"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~ Mary Pickford

Dear Blogland, 

It's been almost two years since my last appearance in the Blog-o-sphere... a rough 2 years at that... but I'm here now! On the motivation from a class I'm taking at my gym (more on that later), I've chosen my extra project to be "setting stakes," by telling the world what I'm doing and what my goals are. So, YOU, dear readers, are officially now my accountability-buddies! Let's do this.

Status Check:
- I am currently carrying around a lot of extra weight that I picked up over the last few year's stresses, so I'm working hard at getting rid of it, because it's making some of my goals infinitely more difficult. (I'll say it. I ain't scared. 299 pounds is a lot of weight to run with!)

- I am actively working to maintain a good/healthy work/life balance, and have figured out how to reduce a lot of the general life stresses, which were preventing me from making better choices. 

- I have chosen some specific goals to work towards, and have enlisted expert help in getting me there

- In short, I'm on the right track, I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. YAY!

What am I doing?

Thankfully, a lot of great resources and coaches have been made available to me in the last 6 months or so. 

For 12 week sessions, since Mid-July 2017, I've been taking an awesome class at The Rehab Gym. The "Use it to Lose it" (UITLI) class is designed as a small group (like 5-7 people) circuit class, with additional education and accountability around nutrition and wellness. So, we weigh in once a week, actively all work at eating on "plan," and then crush some circuit workouts 2x/week. In addition to that, we either back squat or dead lift, and generally have a great time getting sweaty together. I've been lucky that not only do we have an awesome, form-focused trainer (Hey Hendrik!), but in recent sessions the class has been mostly filled with my favorite people - My Man is taking it with me, Holly's on board, my running buddy Stacey and her husband are at it - so it makes for a great support group, all pushing each other to be a little better. 

I'm proud to say that since July 2017, I've lost 25 pounds, to date (and a crap-ton of inches. YAY!). 

In addition, I've decided on my next BIG GOAL. Big goals help keep me on track and motivated, and this one particularly so. ..... *drumroll*
I've decided I'm running the Ragnar Trail Relay in Vermont, on August 3-4.
(Countdown: 5 months, 10 days...). 

So, first this started out as wishful thinking - gee, I've always wanted to do one of the Ragnar Trails... Wow, they're bringing one to Vermont....  And then I thought.... WHY NOT?  When I decided on this, I had something like 8 months to train... surely anything can be accomplished in 8 months? I was starting from like, below ground zero... but ..... it could be done, right? 

Enter Hart Strength and Endurance Coaching. Heather and Geoff  have begun an awesome venture, training all manner of clients - even Virtually! - to hit their goals. I tentatively reached out to Heather about my situation and was brutally honest about my current condition (Slow. Fat. Round?) and asked if my aspirations for a Ragnar Trail in August were nuts. I was met with an enthusiastic "totally doable" and we were off and running.... quite literally.  Once a week, Heather and Geoff send me the running training plan for the week, which currently involves 3x/week of some sort of running adventure. I'm up to about 10-11 miles per week and really starting to see improvements. (Annoyingly, I rolled my ankle about a two weeks ago, so I'm on "alternate exercise" for a little bit).
Heather and Geoff have not only been fun to work with (Does YOUR trainer assign you workouts entitled "Rowing Ladder of Suckiness"?), but really positive, despite my feels of this-is-impossible, sometimes. 

And here I am! I feel a lot more like my "old self" now. I'm running (... well... "wogging"...) 3x a week, I'm in the gym lifting and doing strength training a couple times a week, and I'm feeling much more healthy, relaxed and in control of my goals. 

So, Blog, here's the plan. I'll be checking in - at least - once a week to update you on the goings on and progress toward my goal. In turn, I'll know you're out their reading this, and it's going to be mighty embarrassing if I just go back to eating cupcakes and sitting on my butt. Right?

"Setting a goal is not the main thing. It is deciding how you will go about achieving it and staying with that plan." - Tom Landry

So, Blogland.... The Open 16.2 WOD was announced last night.

Yes... I watched it live with equal parts fear and anticipation. After last week's long and grueling WOD, I was sooooooo hoping for something short and heavy - which would play a little more to my strengths.

What happened? Well, I got my wish about barbells.... but, you have to EARN your way to a barbell. Here's what 16.2 looks like (RX):

Beginning on a 4-minute clock, complete as many reps as possible of:
  25 toes-to-bars
  50 double-unders
  15 squat cleans, 135 / 85 lb.

If completed before 4 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 toes-to-bars
  50 double-unders
  13 squat cleans, 185 / 115 lb.

If completed before 8 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 toes-to-bars
  50 double-unders
  11 squat cleans, 225 / 145 lb.

If completed before 12 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 toes-to-bars
  50 double-unders
  9 squat cleans, 275 / 175 lb.

If completed before 16 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 toes-to-bars
  50 double-unders
  7 squat cleans, 315 / 205 lb.

Stop at 20 minutes.

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Well.... T2B and DU's are not in my range right now, so here's the scaled version, that I'll be attempting:

Beginning on a 4-minute clock, complete as many reps as possible of:
  25 hanging knee raises
  50 single-unders
  15 squat cleans, 95 / 55 lb.

If completed before 4 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 hanging knee raises
  50 single-unders
  13 squat cleans, 115 / 75 lb.

If completed before 8 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 hanging knee raises
  50 single-unders
  11 squat cleans, 135 / 95 lb.

If completed before 12 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 hanging knee raises
  50 single-unders
  9 squat cleans, 155 / 115 lb.

If completed before 16 minutes, add 4 minutes to the clock and proceed to:
  25 hanging knee raises
  50 single-unders
  7 squat cleans, 185 / 135 lb.

Stop at 20 minutes.

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Basically the same, I'll just be replacing T2B with hanging knee raises and double unders with single unders. I probably could've handled a few rounds of the prescribed squat cleans, but lucky for me, since I'm going scaled, I get some MUCH lighter weights. 

Time to devise a plan, as I always feel better going into situations like this if I have a game plan. If your brain knows what to do before hand - so you don't have to strategize on the fly, mid WOD - I find I get a better performance. 

So first, time to identify my strength here - obviously going to be the squat cleans (which can be done as a power clean + a front squat). I know I can clean the scaled weight for all of these rounds, and I know I can front squat much more than that... so, the squat cleans are definitely going to be my excel area. 

THAT said... I've got to do some steady to fast work before I can get to the barbell, which is going to be the tricky part. 

Hanging knee raises are EXHAUSTING for me. Not as much on the actual knee raise part (not saying that's "easy" though...!!), but more that my grip just fails completely. There's a lot of me to hang from a bar, and my grip just doesn't have the strength to hang there through 25 of these things. SO... how do I work around it? Well, in all the CrossFit tips videos, even for the RX athletes, they recommend saving your grip by breaking up the time hanging from the bar. So, my strategy will be to do 5 sets of 5, with a couple seconds of rest (shake out those hands!) in between. Realistically, I'm going to guess that the clock may catch me after 2 rounds (I'm hoping not!), so I think that sets of 5 is something I can sustain for a couple of rounds. 

Moving on to jump rope...... ugh. (WHY, Dave Castro, WHY?!?!!!). 

Jump rope and I have a really tumultuous relationship. I can actually jump rope, I swear. I can even do it for sets of 50 at a time - I know this, because I have done this. HOWEVER, as soon as my legs get a little tired, it all falls apart; I don't jump as high, I trip on the rope and otherwise generally look like a hot mess flinging a rope around. 

But... in terms of this workout, I think I might be okay. First round, I'll get to jump rope relatively fresh, so I should be able to get through them in one consistent set of 50 (that's the goal). BUT, if I need to stop and regroup, it's going to be 2 sets of 25 (we'll have to decide that one on the fly). The cleans are really light for me, and not a huge amounts, so I should still have a good set of legs (that will get a break while I struggle through knee raises) going into round two. Round two, I'm anticipating two sets of 25 for jump rope. Purposely breaking it up into two sets will allow me to stay focused and composed, rather than flustered and floppy if I start getting tired. 

Let's talk about goals... I feel like this looks deceptively "manageable". Like, I'm going to need to bank all the time I can during power cleans, if I'd like to keep making it through rounds. I'm relatively certain I can make it through Round 1 and into Round 2. I'm also feeling pretty confident that I can make it through Round 2 and into Round 3. My guess is Round 3 will be where my grip starts to fail and I get tired (roughly 8-10 min in), and the jump ropes start to get sloppy/trippy. 

Can I make it to round 4? Possibly I could finish all 5?! Possible - Yes. Not sure if that's going to happen, but I'm going to give it a solid go. Just need to focus on banking the "extra" time early on, so I can rest a little more as the rounds progress. 

BlogLand, send your good vibes this way - I'd like to make a little better score at this WOD than with 16.1 (uuughhh!!!!). 

The good/fun news is that I'll have an unexpected visitor for this WOD!  My long lost Spahten friend and battle buddy needs to do an away-WOD while she's up in my area, away from her home box. YAY! I couldn't have asked for a better cheering section, while I beat this WOD into submission. :-)

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. -Epictetus

Spartan Shape Up, Day 538:

Alright, BlogLand. I'm back. Hardcore, in the game. It's been a crazy stressful and chaotic few months, I've been feeling really down on myself and my progress, and I've just felt crappy. I've felt crappy because I wasn't eating like I should, I felt crappy because I was not exercising like I should, and I felt crappier, because I KNEW it was my own fault that all this was happening; I got discouraged and off track because of the injuries, and just never got back on.

No longer! No more excuses, no more skipping workouts, no more "it's cold" bullshit (pardon me)... It's on. I watched Biggest Loser last night and saw the Old Me in many of those people. People used to no prioritizing themselves, to accepting the status quo, to not feeling good enough, not pushing themselves... and as a result, were on the Biggest Loser. It was an excellent reminder of where I started.

SO. Today, me, my new Garmin (ooo!) and my faithful running buddy, Stacey, set forth on the road. It was 11 degrees and all kinds of wintery, so I laced up my new Inov-8 Orocs (review on those here!), donned my UA extreme cold gear and set the excuses aside.

It was cold. There's no getting around that. BUT... I was properly geared (this is key), and today's schedule was at least bust out an "easy 3".

I won't lie, I can feel with every step, how much I need to get back to consistent training. An "easy 3" is no where NEAR as easy as it was, or should be. But. It is merely what it is, not a sign that I have failed (reminder to self).

We trudged through the snowy sidewalks (it's a bit like running through sand at some points!), down the streets, and its true, after a couple of miles, I started to have fun again. I remembered that I DO , in fact, (mostly) enjoy this, I have a great running buddy, and running training helps me to do all the things that I REALLY like doing.
So, while the last half a mile was a bit of a push (my body was all like WTF?!), it was mind over matter, with the classic words of my GT in my head: Your lungs will not explode, your heart will slow down, your legs will not fall off....

He has assured me that my conditioning will come back faster this time, as I haven't been "off" that long, and I had built up a really good base. So, I'm reassured and following directions. I have a training program, reset by the GT and I'm doing it. Following Directions of your Trainer = Success. Why don't we all learn that the first time?

On another note, I'm also getting my eating in check. I found a website that provides a Paleo dinner menu, complete with shopping list. My current plan, to provide myself a lot more structure with my eating, is to follow said dinner plan like it is the law. Breakfast is pretty easy for me to keep in check and lunch will be leftovers, etc. I CAN (and WILL) do this. One of my big goals for this year is to get down to my goal weight (maybe 40-50 more pounds?) and I'm not going to do it if I don't seriously think about what I'm putting in my face. By taking some of the thinking off for a while, I'm hoping to a) cut my food bill a bit by having a concerted plan and b) eat healthy, portioned things, that someone else has already had the pain in the butt of thinking of.

Subsequently, I made a lovely dinner, post-run, from said "plan." I made a tasty crustless quiche, with fresh chive, thyme and parsley, with a bit of Feta, and accompanied it with a fresh tomato salad with ripped up basil leaves and a homemade red-wine vinaigrette. Too bad I didn't save any of the Paleo brownie from last night (literally: 1 whole avocado, 1/3 cup honey, 1/2 cup cocoa power, 3 eggs. Bake. Decidedly not bad!)

It appears, BlogLand, that I've got 2013 handled. It's all about consistency as the road to success........ One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. I can do this.

“There is nothing impossible to him who will try.” – Alexander the Great

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 374 & 375:

Ow, BlogLand, ow. My legs are so beyond done right now, I can't even begin to express it in coherent words.

So, today is Monday, and as part of my updated training regime until the Amesbury Spartan Race, it was Sprint Night, Part 2. Sprint Night Part 2 means I do my usual sort of sprints (200m or half track), but I do 6 of them... instead of the usual four. In my head that seemed like it was going to suck, but would be a manageable level of suckage. After all, it was only two additional sprints.

I felt a twinge of worry when I set out for our warm up jog with the ladies. As we commenced a bit of chatter, I trotted down the sidewalk, assessing the fact that my legs did not feel "fresh" in any way. I hadn't run or sprinted since Thursday (400m sprints)... I was really expecting my legs to be feeling a little more up to snuff. I convinced myself I just needed a warm up and continued along our path.

The first sprint wasn't too bad. While it wasn't pretty, I had enough power in my legs to get a respectable time, in keeping with my usual times at 200m; Lap One: 38.67

Then, BlogLand, the slight sense of doom kicked in. The feeling in my legs that I had after that first sprint was typically the feeling I have after the 2nd or 3rd sprint, usually. No matter, I thought, I was just a little stiff from working hard on Thursday night. I'd just need to power though. Power through I did, as best as I could, to a Lap Two: 40.61 Again, not my greatest time, but since I was sprinting on tired legs and the fact that 40 is still within my "consistent" time rage, I was satisfied with that.

My legs, on the other hand, were feeling like completely empty vessels. Like, I was trying to eek out more energy than was in there. While you can run on mental energy quite a long time, sometimes, your body does have physical limitations. I felt like I was finding mine, today. Lap Three 42.54. I was sensing a quick, downward spiral, so I did what any rational human would do to stave off a freak out: I texted the GT for some on-the-spot workout advice. After this lap, I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it to six sprints, without some crazy slow times. What to do?!

On the GT's advice, I tried one more... pushing as hard as I can, but checking the time at the end. Lap Four: 44.59. HORRIBLE in comparison with my usual 39-40 range. Clearly, my legs were blasted still from the other day, and something had to give here. New plan on the fly, before I got too caught up in the fact that there was no way I was going to make six of these sprints... The GT prescribed a longer recovery period for the next couple of minutes, to give my legs a little more time to get themselves together between bouts.  And then I attempted one more lap (Spartan up!).

Lap Five: 43.62. So, clearly the little extra recovery time helped, but BlogLand, my legs were spent. I wrung every last iota of energy out of those screaming quads and informed my hamstrings that there was no other option. Still, it was a fight to improve my time below 44 seconds. My body fought me the ENTIRE way on this one. I felt uncoordinated, ungraceful and not too powerful.

For a little bit of a bonus round (... did I have *any* more left?), I decided to try a 100m sprint with my Sprint Buddies. Yeah. I was powerful for the first 10 seconds, then I gracefully bowed out and trotted down to a barely-a-run. I had found the threshold of being able to push. As the three of us attempted to sprint that 100 (so short, right?), I saw them both pulling ahead of me and activated my competitive spirit. Even that couldn't save me. I had no afterburner, no secret stash of energy... nothing. Although, I guess I did it right, then... it means I left it all out there?

I was a little disheartened, BlogLand. Usually I can bang out 4 solid sprints at 200m with a consistent time. I certainly could not, today. Expressing the difficulty of this to the GT, I was told to remember what it was like when I was first running 3 miles, and how hard it was to stay running for the full 5K. I guess I certainly have graduated. While I should always be working at 110% for sprints, the GT advised I take a sense of accomplishment away from the fact that I CAN run a 200 and 400m sprint at all. There was a time that that wouldn't be possible. I remember when I jokingly tried a 400m sprint and thought I *would* just die. On Thursday when I did them, I just for real, *wanted* to die. haha

So, Lessons to be taken from this.... You are a work in progress. You'll never be "there" wherever that is, so it is good to appreciate what is smack in front of you. Like 5 completed 200m sprints (not 6.. but soon!), a regular workout night with friends, support through the most difficult workouts, accountability to get them done, regardless of how you think you are doing, and the fact that I'm healthy and strong and still progressing forward in my quest toward a healthier life.

Tonight's Sprint are not to be looked at as a "fail" because I couldn't do my WOD as prescribed, but merely feedback. What the GT and I discovered is that I will need a little more recovery time between sprints, when I am doing two sprint wods in a week. I have a new goal to reach (six sprints!). I have a new challenge to beat into the ground and overcome. Who doesn't like that kind of motivation, here and there?

Really, BlogLand, it's your perspective that ultimately determines if you succeed or fail. If I chose to stay in the negative mindset, where I look at tonight's sprints as too hard and a failure, where does that get me? The fast lane to quitting. If I choose to look at this as a "learning experience" or feedback as to the place I'm in with my training, it gives me a positive hold to stand on. Yeah, I'm not satisfied with my performance, but that means I have something to work towards.

----------------------------------

Now that we got the serious WOD out of the way, I have to back up and tell you about my active recovery Sunday shenanigans. STILL on Sunday, my quads were stiff from sprinting the prev Thursday and in need of some movement to get the blood flowing again. PLUS, it was a really beautiful day out. New Me really likes to get out there and soak up every last bit of sunshine and outside that I can, whenever I can. (Never take this for granted!)

So, after a quick pow wow of options, the CG and I decided we would do some kayaking, snorkeling and swimming on the lovely Lake Champlain.

While I'm a pretty competent kayaker, I'd never been snorkeling before, which certainly put a new spin on things. Let me tell you, BlogLand... as graceful as divers and snorkelers look when you see them on TV, you do not magically turn into a dolphin or a graceful mermaid upon donning fins. I nearly drowned myself a couple times because my brain couldn't figure out how deep was too deep when swimming, before my air tube was underwater.... and maneuvering those fins definitely takes some muscle and practice. However, I will say that despite the fact I was flopping around underwater like a wounded whale, I had SO much fun. We got to poke at the zebra muscles that are rampant in our lake, as well as see all sorts of random stuff. Granted, where we were was a little cloudy thanks to a recent algae bloom, it was a great practice ground. Next time, I graduate to bigger fish and rocks and debris! Wee!

 I would also like to take this time to note how much I have found I like the sit-on-top style kayaks! I managed to get myself out of the water, and back into my floating kayak even, without flipping it over! AMAZING. (I'm not sure I'd say it was graceful to watch me, I'm sure, but... ehh... it worked!). The paddle around was nice, too... as it turns out, there were quite a few waves and a bit of a current at times that provided a bit of an arm workout (active recovery day, yay!).

Annd.... I won't lie. My Spartan was showing, at one point. We were swimming around in the waist-deep-ish water, and joking around pulling our boat anchor, which was only 5 pounds. Feeling unchallenged, one thing led to another, and this spartan chick was running around in the water, with the drag of two kayaks, one 5 pound anchor and one very good-humored partner-in-crime. Never miss a chance to get your mini-wod's in, BlogLand! Recovery days do not mean sit on your couch. JUST sayin'.

With that, I leave you with some happy-faces for the day. Nothing like some sunshine and wonderful company to refresh your mental state and prepare for the week ahead!

Action is the foundational key to all success. - Pablo Picasso

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 365:

It seems we have hit another major milestone, BlogLand. Today (July 21) officially marks the one-year anniversary of my decision to commit to changing my life and chase down some very real goals.

On this day, one year ago, the sun rose on a sunny morning (yeah, I actually do remember that), which I took as an excellent omen for this new road I was to be on. I laced up a pair of old sneakers - just a pair of WalMart specials - put on some old cotton "active wear" (because it was what I had), and I headed out to try Day 1 of the Couch to 5K running program. It was early in the morning, as it was the cooler part of the day, but I was sweating during just my brisk warm up walk. I remember thinking that day that I couldn't go on like this. I didn't want to live the rest of my life trapped in my own body. I felt horrid - out of breath, sweaty, tired - just walking that little mile on some flat sidewalk. I also felt apprehensive. I'd never been a "fit" person and looked at myself in the mirror and acknowledged the mountains that I was going to need to climb to make this a successful venture. And yet.... here I was. Pushing "play" on C25K app that I'd downloaded, and following along with rapt attention.

For anyone that'd done the C25K program, you know: Week 1 is very basic. You run maybe 30 seconds at a time with 3-5 minutes of recovery in between. I remember struggling with those 30 seconds. I remember screeching to a slow walk at the end of one of those 30 second intervals, chest heaving, thinking how insanely long 30 seconds was and wondering how in the HELL I thought I was going to get through this. But I pushed through. I had decided that in a year, I was going to run my first Spartan Race (I had given myself a long-range goal of running in Amesbury, this August.), so I had a lot of preparation to do. Just keep running and have faith in the process, I told myself.

That day that I came home from Day 1, I remember recording all my statistics (how long I'd run, how long I'd walked, mileage, etc.) in my workout log spreadsheet and sending a text to my GT; I'm not sure he knew, at the time, just what sort of undertaking he'd gotten himself into by taking me on, but his virtual applause and support of my basic Day 1 conquest (eight 30 second intervals!) were exactly what I needed to hear. I could do this, I would do this, and I'd done the hardest part: gotten off the couch, laced up my sneakers and made the decision to DO SOMETHING.

Here's a little flashback to who I was, just about a year ago:

In the last year, I've done some pretty amazing things, for a Fat Chick that'd never been athletic.
- I've gone from not being able to run a full minute, to running 8+ miles (over an hour at a time).
- I've progressed from little 5-10 pound hand weights and a yoga ball in my basement, to full Olympic Lifts with official barbells (sometimes with triple-digit weights...). 
- I have finished more than 10 official road races (5 and 10K lengths)
- I have finished 5 Spartan Races and 1 local mud run, at varying lengths (Spartan Sprints and Supers)
- I have adjusted my diet from The Typical American Crappy diet to something akin to the Paleo diet with minimal/no processed carbs, or grains (mostly lean proteins and veg), which means, yes, I pretty much gave up bread and potatoes...
- I have conquered my fear of walking into sports stores without feeling like an outsider.
- I've learned to enjoy wearing spandex and totally stopped giving a flying eff what other people thought (Yes. I've been known to grocery shop in my workout clothes, on my way home from the gym. What of it?!).
- I learned (thanks to the wise words of the GT) that my lungs will not explode, my legs will stop feeling like jelly, and my heart will slow down eventually, no matter how hard I push myself. So just keep pushing.
- I found that there are people in your life who love you for who you are inside, despite the fact that they don't understand why you need to crawl under muddy barbed wire. And there are those that don't. The ones that don't have no place in your life.
- I have completed hikes (with a Rock!) that I never would've otherwise thought possible.
- I didn't think twice about harnessing up and trying rock climbing for the first time.
- I've worn shorts and skirts *voluntarily*, proud to show off the "runners legs" complete with monster quads, that I've worked really hard to earn. 
- I'm entered into not one, but TWO Half-Marathons in the fall, and one half-marathon distance Spartan Race (The Beast!). 


.... and I'm no longer afraid.


BlogLand, the point of that list is half for you and half for me. I want you to know and really understand that You Can if you DECIDE You Can. On Day 1, I was a hot mess (or where my blog title comes from: A Beautiful Wreck) who had let the world run her over. Today, one year later, I find myself unafraid to tackle new challenges (rock climbing, what?!), embracing of my strength and power (YEP. I did just run with that sandbag!) and eager to find out what comes next. What happens in Spartan Shape-Up, Year 2.0? BIG THINGS. BIIIIIIG THINGS. 
Don't be afraid to try, BlogLand. That's where it all starts. No matter if you're 700 pounds or 300 pounds, or 150 and unhappy with where you are in your life, make a decision. Decide to grab life by the horns and beat your goals into submission. If I can, you can. I'm nothing special - I'm not a natural athlete, I wasn't a sports star in high school, I didn't have access to immersive camps or expensive weight loss programs. You make do with what you have and you will find a way. "It's not going to be easy, but it WILL be worth it."


The other half of the reason I made that list is for me, BlogLand. I started this blog initially just as a record-keeping journal for me. The GT requested that I log my workouts so we could monitor my progression, but as I started to fill them in, in a spreadsheet, I felt like that just wasn't enough. About 4 weeks in I was feeling how much of an emotional/mental journey this was going to be and a spreadsheet of numbers just wasn't going to capture that. I could feel in my bones the life-changing potential that was happening here, and felt like recording it was going to be the only option; born was WhatABeautifulWreck.com. 


It has served another purpose however, which is the one I find it serving tonight: Motivation. A Marker of how far I've come. 


I won't lie, BlogLand, after 365 days, I do still love the process and the goals I'm chasing down, but it never gets easier. There is always more/harder work to be done, limitation lines that need to crossed, boundaries that need to be stretched and finish lines that need to be chased down. It's WORK. Changing your life is WORK. And, like any other work, some days, you just don't want to. 


Those are the days when I come here, to BlogLand. I read my thoughts from months ago, see what triumph I'd taken in a seemingly small victory (the day I ran a full 30 minutes, for example), and re-energize my motivation and determination. I remember the "Old Me" and the reason I began this all in the first place and why I've kept it up for an entire year.

The greatest advice I can give to any of you on a similar journey is to record your progress. Whether it's writing it in a blog, taking regular pictures, or scrap booking your race bibs, do it. You will hit rough spots, and you will thank me. Personally, I've been having a little difficulty getting back into my regular, super consistent workout schedule, since I had to take all that forced time off for my knee issue. However, telling you all about the whirlwind year I've head, has refocused my brain on what this is all about. It has reminded me all the things I learned at the finish line, when I completed my first Spartan Race.

I'm still discovering who I am and what I'm capable of, but BlogLand, it's the best present I've ever given myself. With that, I must include a recent picture that I just adore, from the recent PA Spartan Sprint.
This picture was taken at the top of a brutal black-diamond ski slope (that we'd hiked from the bottom), with a great new-friend with an unparallelled positive attitude that I've met through the Spartan Race community (Hi Sam!), about halfway through the race 5 mile course:

Here's what I see in this picture, 1 year after beginning my quest to Spartan Up: I see a Spartan Chick. My Inner Fat Chick has pretty much gotten the picture that she needs to take a hike and is no longer welcome cluttering up my brain space, because THIS picture is the reality that I'm embracing. I'm never going to be a small person, but hey, I'll be damned if I'm not going to be the best, fittest version of me that I can be. In this picture I'm sweaty, hot, wet, covered in mud with a giant hill still to conquer in front of me.... but I'm smiling. Really, for real smiling and happy to be tackling that challenge. I'm hanging with some like minded people that keep me on the right road with a positive attitude, even when the couch looks tempting,.......and I'm lovin' Life.

What more could you ask for?

Happy One Year Spartan Shape-Up Anniversary to Me!

Before I conclude, I could not possibly celebrate this milestone without a special nod to the Guru Trainer (GT) who has orchestrated this all. From Day 1 he's handed me well-constructed training plans that would allow me to succeed but still push my physical and mental limitations. He's answered every "...but WHY?" question thoroughly, with patience and well-researched answers, talked me down off every training problem freak-out, adapted The Plan at a moments notice to accommodate my latest whim, race addition or schedule change, and kept believing - with rock solid certainty - that I could do more, even when I doubted.  Maybe more importantly, he's pushed me to do it and see for myself. BlogLand, find yourself a trainer and support system like Chris Irving... and never forget to remind them just how much they've helped change your world and your view of it. (Thank you. With Fiskars axes and homemade protein bars on top!)

.... having said that, my new plan for the next few weeks leading up to the Amesbury, MA Spartan race is looking a little rugged, thanks to that GT. Highlights include TWO sprint nights a week (one of longer sprints, one of shorter sprints), one regular run and a whole crazy lifting program that I don't have all the details of yet. OH MY (I better stock up on Tiger Balm...). Stay tuned......

This. is. Sparta!!!!!!!! AROOOO!

It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect it’s successful outcome. - William James

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 340:

It's good to be back, BlogLand. It feels like forever since I sat down and told you about the adventures I've been having. Although, I suppose that's because instead of having adventures lately, I've been grounded, benched and caged in my own body. It'd been horrid.

Last weekend I ran that 5K race, despite the pulling sensation in my knee. Then I got in the car and sat for 1.5 hours to drive home. When I got out of the car at home, it hurt. A lot. It was so tight I couldn't straighten my knee hardly and I was "walking" with a pronounced limp (okay... so, maybe a 5K road race wasn't my best plan?). I did everything I was supposed to - Ibuprofen, Ice, stretching... but then I got up on Sunday morning and crawled out of bed like I was 80. It hurt any time the muscles in my left leg engaged at all... and let's not even discuss uphill or up stairs.

Sunday night I was at home, foam rolling my leg (which hurt like hell), until I finally just sat on my living room floor and cried. I spent a lot of time being trapped in my body because of my weight and fitness, and was so insanely frustrated that it was happening AGAIN. Plus, I admit, I was a little extra worried because of the kind of pain it was - this wasn't the muscle stiffness and soreness I was accustomed to. This was sharp and pulling. This was much different... and in my head (particularly since it hadn't gone away in an extended period of time), serious. This was my KNEE.

After sitting and crying out the pain, worries and frustration, I decided to Spartan up and figure out the way over this metaphorical wall. There is always a way.

I ran my worries past the GT and a couple of other friends that know stuff and it was a universal opinion: Go get it checked out.

*gulp*

Have I mentioned that I have an irrational fear of doctors/hospitals? I avoid them at all costs, but my mobility was more important to me than my fears. I made an appointment.

As it turns out, my regular doctor was out and I got to see someone else. This particularly woman happened to be a 50 ish year old Triathlete. I felt like this boded well for the situation - to be a triathlete you have to be a little crazy and into the extreme (in my opinion), so she might understand where I was coming from.

She was wonderful. I mentioned Spartan Race and she immediately asked me if I was planning on doing the Beast in Killington ("Of course!"), and asked me if I had any other races coming up before then. She was talking to me like an *athlete*. I almost didn't know how to handle it, I won't lie. A lot of days, I still feel like that Fat Chick (Hello, FCS!), playing at fitness and training. It takes a long time to make those internal adjustments to something else.... but this woman - a serious athlete - was talking to me like a peer. When was my next race? How was I training?
Her next few words were magic to me, though. She dispelled my worst fears: "Well, you definitely don't have any tears or ruptures."

*sigh of relief* It was apparently "just" some inflamed tendons in the back of my knee. She then made me love her just a little bit more, by informing me that she could tell me to recover the slow and easy way - ice and a lot of rest, and they'd eventually calm down. But then she went on to tell me that she wouldn't do that to me in the middle of race season, and there were other ways we could get this better, as she referred me immediately off to a sports-specializing Physical Therapist.

Feeling a little lighter and a lot less worried, I hobbled home and awaited the next day's appointment with the PT.

After a lot of poking, prodding and manipulating my legs and joints, the PT came to the same conclusion. There was nothing serious or unfixable. I absolutely would not be laid up for weeks on end. But then he told me what was actually wrong (the root of the inflamed tendons).

His hypothesis was that sometime during the race I had probably (PROBABLY. Ha!) slid sideways or at just the right angle that I had sort of "sprained" my pelvis (Your pelvis is actually 3 bones, that can get displaced like any other). By screwing up the alignment in my pelvis, my left leg was 1/2 in shorter than the right leg. So, the (left) short leg was reaching and straining to keep up, resulting in the ragingly inflamed tendons.

Oddly, this made a sort of sense. The good news was (according to my PT) that my general construction and bone alignment is really good, so he didn't anticipate this being a reoccurring issue - I had just managed a perfect storm of moments to get here.

Then it got awkward. LOL. Ever had someone realign your pelvis? It's a little strange. While some of it is done with your own muscles (putting your leg in certain positions and pushing, etc.), at some point, they have to put their hands on you. Quite frankly, it is a little strange to have some old dude you just met checking the alignment of your seat bones, etc.

But I disassociated enough to get through that, and he told me to get up and walk around. Let me tell you, BlogLand, those were the most wonderful steps I'd taken in a long time. I was 90% better already. He made me step up some steps and walk back and forth, and while I could still feel that my tendons had some healing to do, they weren't pulling like crazy, the pain was negligible and I could WALK without limping. YES. Weird, but simple solution.

So, to follow up, I have to go back for a check up this week, but I am supposed to not run at all or do anything that will pull on my knee through this weekend. Just ice and rest and swimming (apparently, between the doc and the PT, swimming is a miracle cure!). Starting on Monday, if it feels okay still, I can start trying some easy runs with walking in them. Basically, as soon as or if it starts hurting, I am to stop immediately. He, like my GT, told me to be smart about it and use some good judgement.

It is really challenging though, as the weather has been wonderful (if a little hot...). I haven't really been able to go out running in 2 weeks and I feel like a wild animal in a cage. I never, EVER thought I'd say this, but I really miss it. I WANT to go for a run. Rest assured, though, I'm following directions and taking care of this... it's got to heal in the best way possible. I'm not taking any chances. After all, it's Race Season!
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On another note, the official countdown is on. Twelve Days until my 30th Birthday.

Wow.

I have some goals I'm shooting for, that I'm hoping to hit on that day, so the GT and I have revamped the eating plan and the workouts for the next couple of weeks to (hopefully!) crush those goals into the ground.
It may be an ugly couple of weeks, but nothing I can't or won't handle.
In prep for this, I got on the scale and took my measurements today, for the last time until my birthday. I then took a deep breath, and refocused my mind. I have faith in the process and the journey. Now is the time to just let go and do some work.

Commence the officially titled,

"Experiment in Being More Awesome."