"Celebrate what you have accomplished but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed." - Mia Hamm

Ragnar Trail Relay: Vermont Edition

So, for those of you with short attention spans, here's the TL:DR version:
It rained the entire time, rendering trails wet and slippery AF. Ragnar has some amends to make with the Ascutney Trail association for the devastation (due to poor course-flow management), for sure. However, I felt solid, capable and prepared, and despite the insane terrain conditions, made it out without any falls or injuries! My team was fantastic, and I'll definitely give this another try!

Read on for the details...

Going into this event, I was definitely concerned. The elevation promised to be rough, the distance would be long, and due to some early spring injury set backs, I was concerned I wasn't as prepared as I needed to be. I was also having a bit of a anxiety issue about being the super-slowest person on the team, and not really knowing how slow I would be in conditions like this. But I showed up.

The sprawling campsite!

When we arrived on Saturday morning, the main camping area was full up, forcing us out to a grassy area, as far as possible from the festival/transition area. While the distance was frustrating, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise with the weather that we had. Anyone in the main camping area was camping in a dirt/gravel parking lot that quickly turned to mud (causing people to literally have to dig little moats around their campsites), and they were confined to 17'x17' areas, strictly. Getting forced out into the back 40 allowed us to sprawl quite a bit more than that, be camped on GRASS and not have to smell the port-a-potties the whole time. Overall, a win, if an accidental one!

We had just enough of a break in the rain that it allowed us to set up our campsite dry... and that was the last time I would be not-damp for the next 24 hours. (Seriously, you have no idea how much you take being dry for granted, until you're not. And nothing is.)

Our team gathered and trekked (what seemed like) the 40 miles uphill to the transition area to send off our first runner and begin the clock ticking. The day was still just cloudy with intermittent sprinkling, with everyone hoping for it to clear off in a few hours. Our first couple of runners, Yvette and Tom, were of the speedy-gazelle faction of our team, and before I knew it my time up at bat was imminent. I had chosen to run the hardest loop (7.5ish miles with a ton of elevation) first, hoping to get it out of the way and have everything be easier from there.

Leaving the Transition Area, to Begin the Red Loop

Around 2pm on Friday, butterflies in my stomach and some serious "WTF did I get myself into?!" questions in my head, I set out on the Red Loop. The sky was grey and threatening, but off I went.

The course began with 3/4 of a mile of uphill switchbacks, which - although I hated them at the time - allowed me to get really warmed up. I couldn't run them straight through, because there's a lot of me and that's a lot of uphill, but I did my best to run the straights, walk the uphill to the next level, run the straight and so on. I was definitely working (pretty hard), and starting to worry that I was barely into this long trek of a loop and this was feeling HARD. Runners were passing me, but there was one that really stuck out (and I'm convinced was sent by the Running Gods to help me out). He was an older gentleman (maybe 60's?), who passed me by, going slowly, but super consistently. Same pace on the flats, up the hills, just consistent left, right, left, right. He passed me, gave me some kudos then reminded me, 'Never judge a runner by their first mile!" before slowly fading off into the distance. For some reason, that reminder helped. This was only the first mile, I was still warming up, and I knew I had the endurance to just keep going. Who cares how long it took?

The switchbacks transitioned into wooded single-track, where we'd spend the majority of the rest of this loop. Uphill we climbed. And climbed. And climbed. My Garmin is reporting in at 1500 feet of elevation gain, almost exclusively in the first 5K of this course.

To add to the drama, as I was leaving the switchbacks for the quiet of the woods, I heard the announcer in the distance say something about Thunderstorms, and a 2 hour hold....

The wooded area turned out to be quite peaceful, as I was totally alone. From an event production and safety perspective, I was a little concerned that I literally didn't see another human being for 7 miles, and there seemed to be no runners coming behind me, potentially because of the 2 hour hold. However, the aloneness didn't bother me too much, as I was left to just get through those hills however I needed to, without the pressure of another runner behind me, or passing me, etc.

The light drizzle became downpours... the downpours became a raging thunderstorm overhead. There was no way "out" but forward for me, so I just kept moving in the relative safety of the thick trees, while the thunder boomed overhead. (I dubbed this loop the THUNDERLOOP, later...)

Soaked to the bone and pretty convinced the uphill sections would never end, The Wood Elf (is what I'm calling him), ran by me and stopped to chat, "Is there a race going on?" he says. I'm thinking he must be being sarcastic, as why would anyone else be running around this mountain in this weather? As it turns out, he was just out for a jaunty trail run. He left me with some great words of encouragement, a high five and he disappeared over the mountain as quickly as he had appeared. Weird, I tell you, but it was a nice splash of positivity when I definitely needed it. 

Finally, it seemed like I'd topped the mountain. Looking at my Garmin, it was mile 3.5ish - which seemed right to me, based on the elevation map I'd seen before I left. Theoretically, it should literally be all downhill from here...... for 4ish miles. I ate some fuel, drank some more electolytes and had a quick regroup. I did a few standing star-fishes to stretch out my shoulders (apparently I need to look UP more when I trail run), and off I went.

The woods were beautiful, wet and misty. I was lucky enough that since it was the beginning of all the rain, the trails were still in good shape, as long as you were careful on the wet roots and rocks. Amazingly, I found myself more than capable of running at this point - running DOWNHILL on a TRAIL, something I never thought I'd see myself doing. I wasn't afraid of busting an ankle (Thank you RehabGym!), and I felt like I had some trail-running tips (Thanks to Mirna Valerio!), that kept me feeling in control of the momentum. (Lateral movement! Keep your toes pointed forward! Don't lean back!).

So I ran. As I checked the pace, I saw that I was clocking in way behind the time I was anticipating finishing this loop, as I definitely had not accounted for the incredible hill-death. Somehow sensing that my team was a little worried (Yes. They checked the Med Tent.), I resolved to push and pick up the pace as much as I could - barreling through the woods with all the coordination I could muster.

As I took a quick walk break to grab a few sips of electrolytes, a deer and I had a face to face, from about 20 feet away. I wish I could've grabbed a picture, but you'll have to believe me when I say it was super scenic, in the misty washed-green woods.

The longest field

Just when I thought the trail wouldn't ever end, it opened out into a huge field, overlooking the mountains, with the storm rolling over them. The picture doesn't do it justice (also, photo credit, not mine - I apparently didn't take any pictures.), but the sigh of relief I had upon seeing that field was immense. I (wrongly) thought that this must be close to the end, if we'd come out of the woods... right?

The good news is, although I was tired, it's not terribly difficult to run downhill on a mowed path through a field. So I ran some more. And ran, and ran through the field that never ended.

The signs pointed me back into the woods (!!!!), where I came upon a road-crossing volunteer who told me I was a half mile out (YESSSS), and quarter-mile out timing mat.

I was almost there. Tired. Drained.... but still moving forward and able to run (slowly), which I hadn't thought would be possible after close to 8 miles.

Finally, I could see it in the distance - the Ragnar village, the transition tent.... I could do this. I even heard my team screaming my name in the distance - which, for me, was an incredible pick me up. Although I had done just under 8 miles of demon-fighting all alone in the woods, I knew I was running back to the support of my team. So I ran with whatever I had left..... which was of course UPHILL to the finish/transition area. UPHILL. These Ragnar people sure have a sense of humor.

Uphill Finish of the Red loop - looking alive!

BUT... I did not die, I crossed the line - finishing out the longest trail run I've ever done, and the longest run I've done in quite some time, in a slow, but proud 3 hours and 20 minutes. I was still able to run at the end, my ankles were solid, my lungs hadn't exploded (contrary to my belief somewhere in that uphill section), and oddly, I think I could've kept going. WIN all around.
#ThunderLoopConquered

Although, upon the glorious moment of stopping, thank god for my hubs, who was waiting there with a banana and some plain water (Nuun Melon is not my flavor of choice, especially for 8 miles... blehhh...).

After that, it was back to camp for some dinner and COFFEE.


For real awesome perspective though, check out this 3D replay of the run from the Relive App:

Relive 'Ragnar Trail Red Loop (the ThunderLoop)'

After "eating the frog" and getting the hard one out of the way, I was feeling pretty good about my ability to complete the rest, but the rain just wasn't stopping. People started coming off the mountain muddier and muddier, reporting tougher trails, as the rain made them slick and soupy. Nonetheless, Team Herd of Nerds persevered, heading out on loop after loop well into the evening.

At 1:30am I was up again, feeling good (still wet...) and ready to head out to my Yellow Loop, promising to be "only" 4.5 miles or so. I'm definitely a night owl, and was anticipating a good loop, as my body functions pretty well in the wee hours of the night. Armed with an extra headlamp and a hand flashlight (just in case!), I left the transition area..... and the difficulty of what was going to happen became abundantly clear.

The yellow loop headed up the switchbacks, just like the red loop had.... only this time, after 8 more hours of steady rain and who knows how many more footsteps, the single track switch back had turned into a muddy slip and slide, with widening sides as racers tried to evade the mud by stepping on the grass. I (carefully) plodded forward, resolving that I'd exercise caution and run when I could, but not take too many risks in the dark and muddy conditions. I hoped that maybe the trail was just extra beat up on these switchbacks, as they were the start funnel for two of the loops.

Sadly... that was not the case. The entire yellow loop was either the consistency of shin-deep chocolate pudding-sludge, or a thin, deceptive slip and slide. Treacherous is the only word that comes to mind. I was sporting my favorite Inov-8's for just this purpose, but there's not a lot you can do, when the rain has made the trails into tiny rivers of water, with mud slides, down branches and a myriad of other hazards. Further, headlamps were near useless, as the constant rain/fog in the woods just reflected the light and didn't allow you to see anything. It was....tough.

20 minutes into this slog, my light attracted a moth, which I prompted (accidentally...) inhaled, resulting in me coughing and heaving on the side of the trail for a good 5 minutes. I had to reassure several people that it was just a bug, and the fat kid was not dying on the side of the trail!

Carefully pressing forward, I was passed by several 20-somethings, still in their "invincible" stage, slip sliding and falling through the mud, oblivious to the potential for injury.

In retrospect, I think this yellow loop might've been fun under different circumstances (I'm looking forward to going back in the fall and running it dry!), as it shared some of the neat woodsy paths from the red loop, without quite so much elevation, and broke out into the same mile long field (which allowed you to finally stretch your legs!).

Although trekking in the dark was a bit unnerving, I was more worried about my footing so that I forgot to be worried about the darkness! Before I knew it, I was back through the timing mat, and running to the finish, to pass off to the next victim.

For funzies, here's the Yellow Loop in 3D:

Relive 'Ragnar Trail Yellow Loop (The mud hike)'

As our next few runners went on course and day broke over Ragnar camp, word had spread that all teams (even the fast ones), were adding hours to their times, due to the conditions. Many teams had no hope of finishing before their cut offs, when even the 5K loop was taking 50+ minutes for a fast runner. Ragnar announced that teams could start doubling/tripling up their runners - instead of sending them out one at a time, several runners could be out on course at once, if needed. Huge waves of runners headed out on course, contributing to the declining trail conditions.

Our team finished out two full loops each, and early on Saturday morning decided to withdraw from the race - electing not to go out on the rapidly degrading trails in the (still) pouring rain and risk injuries that we had escaped thus far, or contribute to the irreparable damage that the mountain was taking from the muddy foot traffic.

Ragnar did the right thing here, allowing teams to withdraw, but receive their medals for continuous effort given the conditions. In my opinion, Ragnar should've been the ones to make the tough call and stop ALL the teams on Saturday morning, given the state of the trail damage and injury risk, but (based on the current results published) it looks like more than half the teams made the good decision and pulled themselves without finishing, regardless.

It was frustrating to have to make that decision, but the team as a whole felt that it was the right call. The constant wetness had dampened (haha!) the fun a bit, preventing us from enjoying the festival, feeling comfortable and dry at any point, or feeling safe on the trails. At the end of the day, this was for FUN.... so, why continue on, if it was not fun?

Further, I'm happy to report that every single member of our team felt that they absolutely could've finished their remaining third loop, if given the opportunity. As for me, I only had the 3ish mile green loop to go, and amazingly, my legs felt pretty good even though my sleep total amounted to about 20 minutes!

The day got dicey after that, as the parking field had become impassable, causing Ragnar to have to have gravel trucked in and basically rebuild a road/driveway for cars to get out. Even with that, cars had to get towed out of lower portions of the field. We sat in our car for over an hour, waiting to be released from the parking area... and from what I understand, we had one of the more pleasant experiences.

While waiting in the car, Hans tells me I kept falling asleep (...passing out...) for about three seconds at a time, before jerking back awake. Why was I jerking awake? Because in my mind, my feet were slipping out from under me in the mud....... Oh. Man. #traumatized

So, all things considered, I think I was ready for this race - despite what my anxious brain wanted me to believe. I felt strong up the hills and had the endurance to truck on through the hard sections and longer loops. I'm not fast, but I need to have something to work on, right? My nutrition felt good - fuel up every hour while moving, and keep that Nuun flowing in the backpack! - and I showed no signs of bonking. It's almost as if regular training is a good plan....!! Huge thanks to Hart Strength and Endurance Coaching for the run coaching, and Hendrik @ the RehabGym for programming the strength training. Never could've done it without the expert guidance I've had!

I have to give a shout out to my SLOW AF Trail Retreat ladies that I met a few weeks ago. Without that jolt of confidence, and learning to run on trails with all of you, I'm not sure that I could've been as successful here as I was. At a few low points, where I was getting on myself about being fat and slow, I kept thinking about all you #SLOWAF ladies out there running half marathons, triathlons and everything in between, regardless of your size or speed. It kept me moving and in a much more positive frame of mind. I'm a FGR, and SLOW AF... but I'm also STRONG AF and DETERMINED AF.

And... in true crazy-people fashion... it was less than 6 hours after we'd all parted ways, when the comments from the team started trickling in... "When's the next one....?"

Team HERD OF NERDS!

"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~ Mary Pickford

Dear Blogland, 

It's been almost two years since my last appearance in the Blog-o-sphere... a rough 2 years at that... but I'm here now! On the motivation from a class I'm taking at my gym (more on that later), I've chosen my extra project to be "setting stakes," by telling the world what I'm doing and what my goals are. So, YOU, dear readers, are officially now my accountability-buddies! Let's do this.

Status Check:
- I am currently carrying around a lot of extra weight that I picked up over the last few year's stresses, so I'm working hard at getting rid of it, because it's making some of my goals infinitely more difficult. (I'll say it. I ain't scared. 299 pounds is a lot of weight to run with!)

- I am actively working to maintain a good/healthy work/life balance, and have figured out how to reduce a lot of the general life stresses, which were preventing me from making better choices. 

- I have chosen some specific goals to work towards, and have enlisted expert help in getting me there

- In short, I'm on the right track, I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. YAY!

What am I doing?

Thankfully, a lot of great resources and coaches have been made available to me in the last 6 months or so. 

For 12 week sessions, since Mid-July 2017, I've been taking an awesome class at The Rehab Gym. The "Use it to Lose it" (UITLI) class is designed as a small group (like 5-7 people) circuit class, with additional education and accountability around nutrition and wellness. So, we weigh in once a week, actively all work at eating on "plan," and then crush some circuit workouts 2x/week. In addition to that, we either back squat or dead lift, and generally have a great time getting sweaty together. I've been lucky that not only do we have an awesome, form-focused trainer (Hey Hendrik!), but in recent sessions the class has been mostly filled with my favorite people - My Man is taking it with me, Holly's on board, my running buddy Stacey and her husband are at it - so it makes for a great support group, all pushing each other to be a little better. 

I'm proud to say that since July 2017, I've lost 25 pounds, to date (and a crap-ton of inches. YAY!). 

In addition, I've decided on my next BIG GOAL. Big goals help keep me on track and motivated, and this one particularly so. ..... *drumroll*
I've decided I'm running the Ragnar Trail Relay in Vermont, on August 3-4.
(Countdown: 5 months, 10 days...). 

So, first this started out as wishful thinking - gee, I've always wanted to do one of the Ragnar Trails... Wow, they're bringing one to Vermont....  And then I thought.... WHY NOT?  When I decided on this, I had something like 8 months to train... surely anything can be accomplished in 8 months? I was starting from like, below ground zero... but ..... it could be done, right? 

Enter Hart Strength and Endurance Coaching. Heather and Geoff  have begun an awesome venture, training all manner of clients - even Virtually! - to hit their goals. I tentatively reached out to Heather about my situation and was brutally honest about my current condition (Slow. Fat. Round?) and asked if my aspirations for a Ragnar Trail in August were nuts. I was met with an enthusiastic "totally doable" and we were off and running.... quite literally.  Once a week, Heather and Geoff send me the running training plan for the week, which currently involves 3x/week of some sort of running adventure. I'm up to about 10-11 miles per week and really starting to see improvements. (Annoyingly, I rolled my ankle about a two weeks ago, so I'm on "alternate exercise" for a little bit).
Heather and Geoff have not only been fun to work with (Does YOUR trainer assign you workouts entitled "Rowing Ladder of Suckiness"?), but really positive, despite my feels of this-is-impossible, sometimes. 

And here I am! I feel a lot more like my "old self" now. I'm running (... well... "wogging"...) 3x a week, I'm in the gym lifting and doing strength training a couple times a week, and I'm feeling much more healthy, relaxed and in control of my goals. 

So, Blog, here's the plan. I'll be checking in - at least - once a week to update you on the goings on and progress toward my goal. In turn, I'll know you're out their reading this, and it's going to be mighty embarrassing if I just go back to eating cupcakes and sitting on my butt. Right?

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” – John Wooden

Left foot, Right foot, left foot, right foot...

It's been a good few days, BlogLand, with a distinct theme: Just keep moving. Try something. Anything. Decide to change.

On Thursday morning, I found myself up EARLY and headed out to go walking with my Mom, step-Dad and my Man (and the dog!). My Mom has recently been motivated by a health scare and is taking some significant steps to improve her health, despite the fact that she's 63, a heavy smoker and hasn't been particularly active for the last few years. It wasn't a long walk, maybe a mile and a half, but we (She!) was outside, moving and making a decision to change. I couldn't have been happier to walk along beside - what a great, motivational way to start the day. If my mother, given the physical/mental obstacles she's working with, can get off her couch, I have ZERO excuses to not get my ass in gear and continue down my path towards my fitness goals. For the last few days, I've used this thought as inspiration to go up and down the stairs and extra time, or skip the honey in my tea, or whatever little thing I need to do to stay on track. Blogland, if you learn only one thing from my list of trials and tribulations on my way to success, it's to compile a long list of reasons "why" you're doing what you're doing - especially those that exist outside of yourself. Whether it's the quadruple amputee many people saw take on a Spartan Race earlier this year, or simply your Momma skipping her morning smoke and taking a walk, supplemental motivation and inspiration is all around you. Take note.

Today was another "Run" day for me (I currently still use that term loosely), so I laced up the sneaks, grabbed the dog's leash and off we went. (it's worth noting that it was November 15, in VERMONT, and I was comfortable in capris and a t-shirt.... WTF? Hellooooo Global Warming.).
The Zombie, Run! 5K app is really a saving grace right now. I'm intrigued with the story line, and the workouts are very approachable, while still moving along my run training, that I don't feel like I dread taking them on.
Today went like this:
5 Minute Warm Up Walk
5 Minute Free Form Run (Run/Walk at your discretion)
THEN (5x)
1 minute run
1 minute walk
10 sec of knee lifts/high knees
NEXT
8 minute free form run
2 minutes of guided stretches
8 minute free form run
Walk/cooldown for remainder.

I am happy to report, BlogLand, that I successfully completed this workout as written. I ran every second of the run drills, and I ran a lot of the free form runs, in burst of run/walk. I'm really satisfied at how today went, because I feel like I'm making a bit of progress. A month ago, between rehab and pain and out-of-shapeness, running 1 whole minute (much less repetitively) would've been awful and just not doable. I'm also finding that with the small successes again, I feel motivated to keep going and keep pushing to the next thing. I was missing that for a while - without biting the bullet and getting over the initial unpleasantness, it's impossible to find your small successes. I'm glad I discovered this silly Zombie app, it's definitely easing the way.

Also today, I took another step to help hold myself accountable: I accepted a DietBet challenge. The basic idea of this DietBet is that each participants puts in $15, then has the following 4 weeks to lose 4% of their body weight (for me, this is just under 10 pounds...). If you do, then you go in the winners pool and split the pot of money. If you don't, you lose your cash. I like money and I don't like to lose at anything... SO... this seemed like a doable challenge to keep me moving.

UnHappy Scale Face. :-(

Subsequently, I got on the scale today, to determine my starting weight, etc. for this challenge. I pretty much wanted to die. I saw a number that I SWORE I would never go back to.... but thanks to Life in General and the fact that sometimes, Shit Happens, here I am.

While my initial reaction was one of shame, horror and OMFG ?!!?!?!?!!?!??!?!, I am happy to report that it has passed and I have come to a better place with my thought processes. Basically, it is what it is. It is where I am starting. That's it. It's no reflection on me as a human being, it's not a judgement of how awesome I am, or how much potential I have, it's just a number - one that I can, and will, change.

SO, BlogLand.... Starting today, I have 4 weeks (until December 15) to lose 9.9 pounds. It's on like Donkey Kong.

With that, I leave you all, in order to work on getting a better night's rest. Tomorrow, I'm up early to check out a BodyFlow (yoga/pilates/other?) class and then go take a stroll (5 miles...) around a pond with some Spahtens. It promises to be a good day.

One foot in front of the other.... slow progress is better than no progress!

“If there are no heros to save you, then you be the hero.” – Denpa Kyoshi

Spartan Shape Up, Day 614:

I went running today.

...and every other day, for the last week or so. I'm 4 solid runs into "back on track." I've been eating 95% like I should, drinking water, stretching.... and really just doing what I know I should and need to be doing to feel healthy and get where I want to go.

Fueled by the fire of heading (back) in the right direction and the need to get out of my office chair and away from my laptop screen, I suited up and headed out for a run today.

Since gaining back a little weight, "suiting up" isn't as awesome, because I see all the bulges in the spandex again, and the extra tire where there wasn't one this summer. However, I turned away from the mirror with the knowledge that I was taking control of that vision of myself, going for a run, and moving myself 5K closer to where I wanted to be. My inner fat chick groaned because running has gotten to be a challenge again, but my outer badass informed her that it was too damn bad, and it was her fault we were here in the first place. Tie. The. Sneakers.

It was a beautiful day today. 40 degrees. Light breeze. A sure sign that spring is, indeed, headed our way. I almost enjoyed my mile long warm up, of walk-run-walk-run, to help my legs get back into the swing of things. I've been having difficulty with my calves turning to rocks early in my runs, which is just a sign that I haven't been doing this enough. Nonetheless, it was a lovely day out and I had given myself permission to "train" to my current ability level, rather than jog miserably and resent the place I was, because of injuries and winter and such.

I was training. I was working with what I had and I'd started to recognize that familiar feel of accomplishment. 2 miles in, checking the Garmin, not a great pace, but I was still under 12 minute miles; I accepted that as I re-trained my calves to keep going, despite their protestations. Serious protestations. Every couple blocks, they'd turn into concrete blocks, I'd wince and walk for 20 seconds and let them relax, start again.

This is a frustrating process for someone who, at one point last year, was training and running double digit numbers. However. We deal with what we have to work with, and I'm determined to get back to that. On I ran.

As I was in my last 3/4ths of a mile, I was going pretty slow. Still, I was pushing through with the rhythmic left, right, left, right in my head. I could look far down the street and see the stop lights that signaled my finish line for the day. I was in the homestretch.

For the most part, when I run alone, I'm in the zone. Left, right, left, right. One block of sidewalk at a time.

I was jarred out of this peaceful work time, by the harshly whispered, "...Thunder Thighs...." that hit my ear.

My latent Inner Fat Chick stopped short, suddenly feeling like the taunted 8th grader again, shrinking back to the far reaches of myself and fighting back rising tears. However, always one to subscribe to the "never let them see you cry," mentality, I forged on. I ran the remaining 3/4ths of a mile fueled on frustration, upset, sadness....... but then, I ran fueled on power. Power that came from the knowledge of the mountains I've climbed, literally and metaphorically, and the great leaps forward that I've made, from what I used to be.  I reflected on the drastic 180 I made in my life from depression, potato chip chowing, career in holding down the couch... to happy, confident, Spartan Race'ing, CrossFiting, Paleo-eating (...ish), career in whatever the HELL I want, because I can do ANYTHING.

MY "thunder thighs" are pillars of achievement.

They've crossed... 30+ finish lines, trudged about 260 muddy, obstacle course miles, walked beside and supported my friends that wanted to change their lives too, squatted my body weight and gave me the courage to stand confidently up and write my story for the world to read and help other people know that there is hope for the Inner Fat Kids.

My THUNDER THIGHS still touch ( I like to think the muscles are just too big...), they jiggle, they don't fit in "skinny" jeans.... but my thunder thighs will carry me to places that YOU - Mr.Idiot, stomping along, smoking a butt, muttering insults as I pass - could never HOPE to go.

May you get exactly what you deserve, my ignorant, weak, angry and projecting, passerby.

THANK YOU for fueling me though the end of my run and, through your ever so apt observation, remind me EXACTLY who I am.

I am a powerful being, BLESSED to have thighs big enough to help me hold up my massive hopes, dreams, goals and all around Awesomeness.

Respectfully yours, Blogland,

Love, Thunder Thighs.

"You just can't beat the person who never gives up." - Babe Ruth

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 608:

Here's our Words of Wisdom for today, BlogLand.

I stumbled across these words this morning, on my in-bed, waking-up, FaceBook skim. Some people read the paper with their coffee, I roll over, hit the alarm and cruise through FB. I'm lucky to have an inordinate amount of active friends, who are constantly posting about their adventures, workouts, trials and hurdles... which to me, helps keep me on track. Better than reading posts about cupcakes and TV shows, you know?

This one resonated with me, a lot today. It's no secret I've been struggling. I've been pretty up front with the fact that I haven't been training like I want to, and I've gained some of the weight back. BUT, thanks to some recent revelations (... last summers jeans are not comfortable, at the moment...) , a huge mental kick in the ass, and a promise to my CG that we're in it together (he's got to rehab from a back injury!!), I'm back at it. However, when I look at where I "should" be, or where I want to get to, it gets a little disheartening and overwhelming.

SO... the plan is "EFFORT...Every Single Day."

While I was mulling this over this morning, I also found that it would be another Work From Home day, thanks to the late spring Snowpocalypse here in VT. So, what could I do *TODAY* to put in the effort?

I had been meaning to get some activity in yesterday... but work has been pretty demanding. I recognized the excuse.

Thus, I sat down with my cup of coffee and a piece of blank paper. On it, I wrote the things I could do today, to put in the effort:
1) Eat carb-free, tasty, protein and veggie meals. Appropriately sized.
2) Get up and stretch for a few minutes, every hour.
3) Go for a mid-day run with my running buddy (who was enjoying a snow day, as a teacher!).
4) Have a concerted stretch session, post run.

All very doable and attainable today. Regardless of the missteps I've made in the last couple of months, the key was that these were very tangible, things that I could get done TODAY. To put in the effort TODAY towards progress tomorrow.

I am happy to say, at 8:42pm, that I have done all those things. And I have continued to hydrate all day. It's been a good day. Tomorrow, I hope to string on another good day.

I have to make mention of today's run, though. Setting out with my Running Buddy Extraordinaire, Stacey, we braved the snow accumulation. It was a heavy, wet snow, that resulted in about 3-4 messy, slidey inches on the sidewalk, and big, cold, wet puddles. Nonetheless, we are Spartans!

It was ugly, BlogLand, for me. 3.2 miles. The snow made it like we were running in beach sand. On top of the fact I haven't been running as much, this detail made this run particularly grueling. While the first couple of miles I handled okay, as mile 2 sailed by, my calves started tightening up, I was tired, and there had to be walk breaks. While I hate to say that I had to walk during "just" a 5K.... I was at least out DOING a 5K, even if there were 20 second walk breaks here and there (more than I wanted, but...).

Thankfully, I had a buddy! Stacey kept pushing forward, dragging me along in her enthusiastic wake, every time I'd groan and trot down to a walk for a few seconds. Positive encouragement just kept coming from her. It's absolutely invaluable, BlogLand, to have a training buddy, like this. Neither of you are perfect, but both of you can help push the other along when the hill gets a little steep.

Arriving at home, my calves were screaming, I was soaking wet from all the snow, but I felt good. I'd done what I'd set out to do, even if it wasn't particularly graceful. We set about a good 20-25 minute stretch session (fueled by recovery protein smoothies!), and commiserated about the bumps in the road we've been experiencing.

I will say that my hip flexor is angry. Tight, stiff and angry. But, after much thought and discussion with the GT, the consensus is that it's from WAY too much sitting, driving and sitting some more. Makes total sense. The body is not made to be so sedentary. More Tiger Balm, more stretches... more ... yoga. *sigh*

On that note, I leave you with this BlogLand. Not all days will be perfect. In fact, most of them won't be. You'll struggle, things hurt, the workout doesn't go as planned... but ask yourself, are you putting in the effort? That's what's important. What can you do TODAY that will help you get to where you want to be tomorrow?

"May the Road Rise Up to Meet You..."

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 606:

There have been too many things out of my control lately (losing my apartment, not finding a new place right away, having no money, etc.), that I've been letting take over, that I finally stopped and reevaluated what was happening. Yes, there were things I could not force into being different.... but that was no reason that I needed to be unhappy and unable to continue my pursuit towards better health and fitness.

With much sadness, I had to cancel my CrossFit membership (hopefully, temporarily) recently, because of finances and living situations. However, while this was a real blow to my motivation, I also know that I have ALL the equipment I need at my disposal, and a huge network of inspiring friends and family, that are there to assist with my forward progression.

No more excuses. Just work.

Arriving home from my 1.5 hour drive from The Office, I felt stiff and tight. I've been spending FAR too much time in a car and at a desk, and no where near enough time being mobile and active. I was (am.) feeling it. The real kicker was when I bent over to pick up a sock on the floor and my damn chronically tight hamstrings were SO tight that I had to bend my knees to pick it up. This HAD to stop.

Half an hour later, I found myself in front of my TV, Yoga DVD in and ready to get bendy. My preferred torture...er.... "yoga"... DVD right now is currently the one with Bob Harper from The Biggest Loser (Biggest Loser, Weight Loss Yoga). It's easy, made for not bendy people, has a few different levels and leaves me feeling stretched out and good. Yeah, it's not P90X yoga, it's not Bikram.... but it's real yoga that I will DO (that's key!), that doesn't feel too frustrating.

Off I went. Downward Dog, Triangle, *twisting* triangle (ack!)... I did the best I could. My body was so locked up that it sounded like I was making popcorn, every time I'd move into a new position. My back was cracking, my knees were popping and my muscles were stretching. I admit, it felt AWESOME.

Oddly, I think you never realize how immobile or not flexible you are, until you restore that flexibility. After doing the light half hour of yoga, I felt like my hips could move again, my legs didn't feel stiff, and my body felt more relaxed. Clearly, I'd done the right thing.

The feeling of satisfaction for getting back on track really helps to propel me forward. So, yesterday, in the beautiful bright afternoon, my running buddy rallied from her lingering cold, and we headed out for a run.

BlogLand, it wasn't pretty. I've definitely taken a few steps backward, as far as my running abilities. However, here's a good time to remember that I was at least OUT THERE and doing it. Doing work is the only way to make more progress - not sitting on the couch lamenting how good you USED to be. Do. Work.

We were aiming for an easy 5K. I knew this was a distance I could fight through, but long enough to get in a solid 30 minutes of work. I didn't feel too bad for the first 2 miles. My brain was happy to be outside, my body felt good in motion and all was well with the world. Mile 2 brought some more work, though. I did have to take a couple of short walk breaks, but each time, I resolved to get back to running and keep going.

I have to acknowledge the fact that I'm heavier than I was this summer, haven't been running and need to respect the fact that my body needs to get back at it. Walk breaks were unavoidable.

Nonetheless, Stacey and I got it done and arrived back at my house, sweaty and accomplished. Not our best time, but right about 34 minutes (3.2 miles), averaging about an 11:20 pace - which, quite frankly, is better than when I first started running, so all is not lost!

Later, after looking at a great housing potential (thank you, Karma!!), The CG and I headed out to hit the climbing gym for a while. Got my run on in the morning, time to work out a lot of the upper body in the afternoon!

I fought with several tricky routes. I'm still learning technique, so while some should be "easy"... they're just not for me. I'm learning to climb with more finesse, to make the most of what I do have (powerful legs) and work around what is not an asset (t-rex arms). My forearms and back were crying by the end of one route in particular. I was metaphorically banging my head against the wall over and over, until suddenly, the moves clicked and my body rallied and got to the top.
To round out the day at the climbing gym, the CG and I did some grip work (dead hangs) and core stuff (knees to elbows, L-sits, etc.). If you're going to dead hang for grip purposes, you might as well make your body work in other places too.

It was a good day. I slept well, my body felt used and tired, and I had made good choices all day.

This morning, I rolled over with a groan and a sudden desire for a bunch of Ibuprofen and Tiger Balm. LOL. But, what are you going to do? STFU and keep at it. I know from experience that it GETS BETTER the more you do it. Yeah, you're going to be sore. You're going to feel stiff... but you recover faster, you get better and it's much more manageable. You just have to get over that initial ugly hump.

So, I'm working on my hydrating (don't forget it, BlogLand! Your body needs it to recover!), taking my daily Multi-vitamin, getting in some extra fish oil (decreasing inflammation and helping with weight loss), and eating correctly.

Also, tonight, to wind down and have a little light recovery, I'll be hitting up the Yoga again. Race season is upon us and I work for one of the coolest companies in the world - time to represent!

You can't build your reputation on what you're going to do. —Henry Ford

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 561:

Well, training hasn't exactly been grand, of late, BlogLand. Through no fault of my GT or training program, and entirely the fault of my brain. We're in our usual winter slump, where the lack of light makes mornings impossible for me, and my body more lethargic than it should be (Hello, Seasonal Affective Disorder! Nice to see you again!). The funny thing is, exercise helps with this.... but you have to figure out a way to get yourself to the exercise. I've been... less than successful. It is mildly comforting to know that this is a usual, seasonal event for me (this is why you keep training records or blogs, people!), and it will pass if I just keep working at it. 

So, as Sunday rolled around, this week, it was time to do some work. On the schedule was my Long Run day. Right now, it's "only" 5 miles, as I get back into running regularly again. (Lesson of the Day: Do not ever fall off the wagon. Re-starting your training, as a result of injury, or laziness, whatever, is MUCH harder than when you first began.) It was cold, we had a high-wind advisory and I was really not particularly looking forward to it. However, as I said, it was long run day on the schedule, I live in Vermont and sometimes it gets cold, and if I waited for perfect conditions, I'd never do anything. No. Excuses. Get ass in gear.

In an effort to make this as least painful as possible, I called up Partner in Training, Stacey and suggested a change of scenery. We headed over to Shelburne Farms, which happens to be a bazillion, beautiful acres of museum, working farm and general awesomeness. We learned that they had a 5 mile trail loop that went around the property, so it seemed like a perfect way to get in the miles, while giving our brains a refreshing new view to look at. 

As I sat sideways in the car, lacing up my Oroc's, the wind was so hard, Stacey couldn't hear me talking to her, and I swear, the door of the car (open), almost blew off. Craziness. But yet, we were Spartans, and be damned if we weren't going running. *puts on more layers*

We got moving, and I admit, it feels good to get the body in motion. Outside of the crazy wind, it was a pretty and beautiful day out. We ran. I was pretty sure I was dying. Not cardiovascularly (as in, I could breathe okay), but my legs were crying. We weren't even a mile yet. They just need to warm up, I told myself. I was pushing. 

The ugly miles wore on. My legs, who just haven't been putting the run time in, felt like we'd never run before. This was HARD again. I had to ask Stacey to stop to take a couple of 20 second walk breaks here and there. My legs felt like lead. I was not happy. Frustration was building. 

I tried to remind myself that it only gets better, if you work through the hard stuff. So, I kept running.... albeit, very slowly (our average pace seemed to be just under a 12 min mile). But, it was either go slowly and complete the 5 mile task, or go faster and end up walking back to the car. I opted for slow and steady. 

However, slow gives you a lot of time to think. I was thinking about how much harder this has gotten since I gained about 20 pounds of "holiday/injury weight" back. I was thinking about how 5 miles was an "easy" run. I was thinking about how I was consistently running 10 min miles and gunning for a sub-30 5K. Now, I didn't feel like I could run a 5k without stopping to walk a few seconds. This is not where you want your head to be, during your workouts. Ultimately, when it comes down to it, if you're doing it, that's what's important; not the coulda-shoulda-woulda's... not the "before"s or frustrations.... just the fact that you are out there, getting down to business, working on the body that you have -at that moment. 

It's true. Staying in the routine of a Healthy, Active Lifestyle is not the easiest for me, because I grew up for almost 30 years in a carb-loving, not particularly active household. I'm retraining 30 years of programming. Yes. What I want to do is sit on the couch, drink hot cocoa and watch a movie... but NO, what I'm going to do is suit up and go for a run. THAT is not an easy transition, my friends. However, it is about making a choice. It is hard, but I'm choosing to fight forward, as I a) want to be healthy b) like how I feel when I'm healthy c) genuinely enjoy the activities I now pursue and d) feel better, less stressed and more positive when I'm on track. That seems like enough reasons to keep going. The hard part is reminding yourself of those things, when you're not feeling them so much....... or it's real cold out.

My tactic was this. Take in the wonderful scenery. To the left, you'll see one of the paths we ran down. That's a huge historic home (now an Inn) in the background, and  Lake Champlain busting over it's shores. LOOK at that. My legs may have felt like lead, but I am lucky to have places like that to run, lucky to be able to run, and lucky to have an excellent running buddy to push me through it. I have to make a note about this path we were running on; the wind was so hard that it was blowing the waves up and over the containment wall (see picture). This resulted in a cold spray that intermittently covered the path. Rather than run around, in true Spartan fashion, Stacey and I decided this meant we just needed to sprint it. We got sprayed. But we laughed and ran faster. Those moments make for a good run: when it doesn't seem like work, and you're playing again (maybe this is why I like Obstacle Races?).

I vowed I would run - non stop - the last 3/4 of a mile. Slow and steady I chugged along, and made sure not to lose Stacey, just ahead of me. Right, left, Right, left.... after a loop around the parking lot (couldn't stop until the GPS read at least 5.0 miles!), I trotted to a walk, and BOY did that feel good. My heart rate was coming down, my legs were warm and I had done it. Mostly against the will of my legs, but it was done, the miles were put in, and I was back on track. SUCCESS.

The week following, to date has not been great. I've been focusing on my eating to make sure I'm getting the weight down again. Vermont has been having a sub-zero cold snap (seriously, yesterday was -4 as a HIGH.), which means I'm not running outside. I draw the line at sub zero. But, I'm attempting to motivate myself to do home workouts. I have more than enough equipment and expertise to do so. No excuses. 

So. Yeah. That's kind of where I am right now BlogLand. Trying to overcome the season and get back to basics. Making real small goals so I can feel successful again, rather than frustrated. Pushing to get the number back down on the scale and up on the mileage.

One foot in front of the other....

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. -Epictetus

Spartan Shape Up, Day 538:

Alright, BlogLand. I'm back. Hardcore, in the game. It's been a crazy stressful and chaotic few months, I've been feeling really down on myself and my progress, and I've just felt crappy. I've felt crappy because I wasn't eating like I should, I felt crappy because I was not exercising like I should, and I felt crappier, because I KNEW it was my own fault that all this was happening; I got discouraged and off track because of the injuries, and just never got back on.

No longer! No more excuses, no more skipping workouts, no more "it's cold" bullshit (pardon me)... It's on. I watched Biggest Loser last night and saw the Old Me in many of those people. People used to no prioritizing themselves, to accepting the status quo, to not feeling good enough, not pushing themselves... and as a result, were on the Biggest Loser. It was an excellent reminder of where I started.

SO. Today, me, my new Garmin (ooo!) and my faithful running buddy, Stacey, set forth on the road. It was 11 degrees and all kinds of wintery, so I laced up my new Inov-8 Orocs (review on those here!), donned my UA extreme cold gear and set the excuses aside.

It was cold. There's no getting around that. BUT... I was properly geared (this is key), and today's schedule was at least bust out an "easy 3".

I won't lie, I can feel with every step, how much I need to get back to consistent training. An "easy 3" is no where NEAR as easy as it was, or should be. But. It is merely what it is, not a sign that I have failed (reminder to self).

We trudged through the snowy sidewalks (it's a bit like running through sand at some points!), down the streets, and its true, after a couple of miles, I started to have fun again. I remembered that I DO , in fact, (mostly) enjoy this, I have a great running buddy, and running training helps me to do all the things that I REALLY like doing.
So, while the last half a mile was a bit of a push (my body was all like WTF?!), it was mind over matter, with the classic words of my GT in my head: Your lungs will not explode, your heart will slow down, your legs will not fall off....

He has assured me that my conditioning will come back faster this time, as I haven't been "off" that long, and I had built up a really good base. So, I'm reassured and following directions. I have a training program, reset by the GT and I'm doing it. Following Directions of your Trainer = Success. Why don't we all learn that the first time?

On another note, I'm also getting my eating in check. I found a website that provides a Paleo dinner menu, complete with shopping list. My current plan, to provide myself a lot more structure with my eating, is to follow said dinner plan like it is the law. Breakfast is pretty easy for me to keep in check and lunch will be leftovers, etc. I CAN (and WILL) do this. One of my big goals for this year is to get down to my goal weight (maybe 40-50 more pounds?) and I'm not going to do it if I don't seriously think about what I'm putting in my face. By taking some of the thinking off for a while, I'm hoping to a) cut my food bill a bit by having a concerted plan and b) eat healthy, portioned things, that someone else has already had the pain in the butt of thinking of.

Subsequently, I made a lovely dinner, post-run, from said "plan." I made a tasty crustless quiche, with fresh chive, thyme and parsley, with a bit of Feta, and accompanied it with a fresh tomato salad with ripped up basil leaves and a homemade red-wine vinaigrette. Too bad I didn't save any of the Paleo brownie from last night (literally: 1 whole avocado, 1/3 cup honey, 1/2 cup cocoa power, 3 eggs. Bake. Decidedly not bad!)

It appears, BlogLand, that I've got 2013 handled. It's all about consistency as the road to success........ One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. I can do this.

If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. -Dale Carnegie

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 500-502:

As ever, this weekend was a busy one for me, BlogLand... but I'm prioritizing training again (REFOCUS.), and I got down to business.

Friday night found me at the climbing gym with my CG and some friends, "pulling on some plastic" as they say. I'm still a raging beginner and lack a lot of finesse, but I keep telling myself that that just means I am gaining more from these visits. I am not spider-like and graceful when I climb, in fact, I'm pretty sure I must look more like an ogre storming a castle wall, when I do it. BUT! I'm doing it. That's what's always key, BlogLand, and probably one of the most important lessons I've learned along the way. It doesn't matter how stupid you think you look, how slow you go, or how "bad" you might be at something... 1) everyone starts at the beginning sometime, and 2) you're beating the crap out of everyone else who is too afraid to try in the first place.

So, I will continue to muscle my way up these routes (I swear, I must look like a bull in a china shop!), but along the way, listening to the instructions of my CG and other people in the know, I will learn to do it a little better. Use my legs more efficiently, stop death-gripping with my hands and wearing out my t-rex arms. One thing at a time. It's pretty cool though... I am equally nervous and excited about the prospect of trying climbing outside at some point. I understand that is a large mental game - that it's not the height of the climb, but the feeling of exposure (you're like a bug on a rock face) that plays with most people's heads. After all the mind battles that training for Spartan Race has put me through, I'm pretty sure I can brain-muscle through this one too. Plus, how cool will those pictures be????

After struggling through a few climbs and being weary of my stupid leg (it's not a fan of walking on the soft mats in a climbing gym), which I'm pushing to get back up to speed, I did leave the gym feeling energized. It was a (relatively) short, after-work workout, but my arms felt trashed (in a good way), and my legs felt good to stretch out, after being at my desk all day.
------------------------------

Saturday brought some real work. I had some downtime while the CG had to pack for his next business trip. I also knew I should go for a run. The plan is to ease back into running, 3x a week, short runs, to get my leg back in the game and not anger it too much from the get go. However, after Thanksgiving's disastrous 5K, I was feeling a little... apprehensive. I had a mental fight with myself, while pulling on my insulated CW-X (I love these things, so much.) tights. It had snowed the night before, it was going to be brisk out... but I hate running in the heat, so this is good, right? My legs were relatively fresh and the area was mostly flat, so again, I was in good shape for a successful run, right? SELF, we can do this, I yelled in my head. It's not like I've never run 3-4 miles before. Geesh.

Somehow, I made it out the front door. It was brisk, but I assessed that I was probably dressed appropriately, because I wasn't freezing, but I wasn't immediately warm either (running hint: dress for weather 10 degrees warmer... so you'll start cold, but when you warm up running, you'll feel the right temperature!).

I left, deciding that I would do 4 miles. Two miles out and two miles back. It was pretty flat and that *should* be a good weekend distance for me. I trotted the first half mile slowly, to warm up. My legs felt heavy, and I tried to focus on a solid, but light, mid foot strikes. I am overly conscious of my legs, recently, because I don't want to anger them into shin-splints again. Yikes, that was ugly. So, after a slow trot for the first 1/2 mile, I walked a minute to stretch my calves out a little. My breathing felt fine, but my legs were not quite on board with this whole process yet. And I won't lie, it was a bit cold with the wind (I'd forgotten a 'wind' layer).

I jogged on, but I was definitely not feeling my usual energetic self. It felt like a repeat of that ugly 5K I just finished. My legs felt heavy, out of shape, unwilling. Still, I spartaned up and slowly jogged on (better slowly than not at all?). I paused again for a quick walk break to look at my GPS.

.... 1 mile.

SERIOUSLY!?!?!

... I was sure I was almost at my 2 mile turnaround point. I wanted to cry a little bit just then. I was fighting this whole run, and I wasn't even halfway through yet, and my legs felt like I'd never run before in my life. Still, I said 4 miles total... so, on I went.

From there, it got ugly. Truth be told, roughly every half to 3/4 of a mile afterward, I dropped to a walk for 15-20 seconds. Walked the length of a telephone pole, or to that driveway, or some other marker. I was so unhappy with that process, but I guess this is what being out of commission for a while does to you... takes you back down the training latter a little bit. Thankfully, I am familiar with this process: run until I feel like I can't run any more, run just a little bit further, walk for 15-20, get back to running. Repeat.

I was not a happy camper, but I manged to get to the two mile mark, at which point it was at least a relief to turn and know that "all" I had to do was run back home. Starting my run back, I did take some comfort in knowing that I had been running a slight up hill the whole way... but I was still disappointed at the place that I was finding my legs in. I was struggling to run a little over a 5K. I definitely couldn't run it straight through. But, I ran - with walk breaks - my 4 miles, even though it was a push to make it the whole time. I berated myself in my head for letting this slip happen, I tried to remind myself that I'd been injured and it was inevitable, I got angry that I hadn't been more proactive, I told myself it was only a little set back... let's just say, 4 slow miles is a long time to have an inner monologue that's less than sunshiney.

BUT, I think the Cosmos were on my side. Despite the disappointment in my run, I didn't turn around early and I didn't give up. I pushed the whole way through (SPARTAN UP.). When I arrive back at my starting point, sweaty, slushy from the sidewalks and trying to talk myself positive, it was like magic: the Garuka Bar fairy was standing at the door and handed me a bag of a whole bunch of tasty bars. Unexpected. Okay, this day was starting to turn around. THEN, the CG was buzzing around the kitchen, making a particularly uber-yummy egg drop soup - the PERFECT after-run lunch on a cold day. Clearly, I was being rewarded for my persistence (or, that is at least how I am choosing to view this turn of events).

After refueling and re-hydrating a bit, it was time for stretching, but instead of just doing it on my own, I was joined by my dear CG and we turned to Bob, on my new beginner-yoga DVD.

Yeah. I was voluntarily doing yoga, after my run. The Mayans were right, the world is ending.

Nonetheless, we Warrior 1'd and Down Dogged our way into some great stretching. My darn t-rex arms shook every time we were instructed to plank or Down Dog.... or quite frankly, just hold our arms up in the warrior poses, etc. for that ridiculous period of time.

I must stay, as I starfished on the floor...er... I mean, "Corpse Pose"... at the end of the video, I felt good. It wasn't not my highest performing day, but in reflection, I felt like I was at least back on the right path, making good choices. I went for my run, even though it was cold and the run was hard. I came back and stretched - YOGA!! - to help prevent my injuries in the future. I ate a great paleo-friendly lunch. Good choices. Steps along the right path.

It's not always going to be easy, BlogLand. It sure as hell hasn't been for me. I've gained a little bit of my weight back, thanks to my Injury Lay-Off, running has gotten harder and I'm sore after CrossFit.... but that is by NO MEANS a sign that it's time to give up. It just means that that was a learning opportunity (more stretching!) and now I have a chance to come back stronger and more informed than I was before. I have a really well-rounded training program, a lot of qualified help, and I have determination and will-power. I will make it happen, and 2013 is going to be a GREAT year.

Use those little set backs like a bit of a slingshot....... a few steps back, only to propel yourself forward 10 steps!

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 482:

Well! It's a relatively optimistic day in Get-My-Spartan-Ass-Back-On-Track land. I went to physical therapy this morning to see what they had to say about the latest in the saga of ouchiness....

First, there was an intern. Poor guy. They assigned him to shadow with my PT for my case, because it sounded like it should be "simple" shin splints, typical presentation and then all would be well, giving me some standard exercises and sending me on my way. In true Aja-fashion, NOTHING is simple.

They poked. They prodded. They stretched, they manipulated, they twisted, turned and generally did all sorts of craziness to my legs. Only to figure out the "problem" is actually like a perfect storm of 20 problems in one. Poor, poor Intern.

The cool thing about this visit was that, because of the intern, the PT thought outloud and went through her reasoning trains and what not so that he could see how she was making conclusions, etc. Very cool, because with a pretty extensive anatomy/science background, etc. I was able to keep up and understand what was going on.

Funny Moment of the Day: As part of the testing/evaluation phase, the intern is having me move my leg this way and that, and push against his hand. "Don't let me push your leg down," he says, in one instance. "Okay....." I think to myself. This is where I should tell you that "Intern" was a 6'4" athletic looking dude, who despite hearing me say that I had finished 10+ Spartan Races, including the recent 14 mile Beast, and a half marathon, apparently wildly underestimated me. I held my leg up. He pushed down.

He leaned into his hands, to get his body weight over his shoulders and push down.
I held my leg up.

His arms began to shake (I couldn't make this up!) with the exertion, before HE gave up and told me to put my leg down.

His reaction: "Okay. Wow. So. There is no problem with leg strength.... HOW do you train!??!"

(... didn't I tell him I was a Spartan? ;-) )

Anyway, the conclusion is this... I'm going to live to race another day!

I have had many, many ankle rolls over the course of my life, and one particularly bad one around age 19, where I was pretty sure I knew better than the doctors and didn't follow directions on how to let it heal. I didn't stay off it, I didn't ice it, etc. and it healed.... but with a significant loss of mobility. Since then, I've rolled in once or twice more and most recently, at the Amesbury Spartan Race (resulting in my First DNF...). So, here we have very limited ankle mobility, a (relatively) recent injury that I was again compensating for in my gait (on top of the compensation I already did for a weaker, less mobile ankle), continued training, chronically tight leg/calf muscles that I don't stretch enough, and a recent half marathon... All was fine (my body is a beast, sometimes!) for a couple of weeks... But I did a lot of sitting at my desk at work, and not a lot of stretching and foam rolling and appropriate recovery. Then, we had the trigger: I needed a pair of shoes to wear, and dug an old, worn out pair out of the closet. Went shopping and running errands. 6-8 hours later, my shin threw up it's hands in despair and seized, giving into shooting shin splints for the next 4 weeks.

FOUR (four plus, actually) weeks of nothing lower body. As you may have been reading along, I haven't been in the most awesome frame of mind. But hey, set backs, cancelling races and feeling limited will do that to you.

That said, after some awesome deep-heating and inflammation reducing (and scar tissue breaking?) ultrasound therapy, a crazy awesome shin/calf massage and a hearty lecture about stretching more (yoga, what?), the PT cleared me to run.

Yes. Run. While my ankle mobility still needs a lot of work, I haven't been in pain the last few days and it's time to test it out a bit. More importantly, PT said that her determination on my ability to do Fenway is directly related to how my leg handles an easy 5k jog.

Wasting no time, I got my running buddy on the line and scheduled an "easy 5k" (man, everything I say that, I am suddenly reminded of the days that 5K was the Big Goal... not a wee test run. Perspective.) for this evening.

I'm not going to lie, BlogLand, I was scared. Yep, scared to go for a run. I was considering things like, What if it flares up again? What if I can't run more than a block? Will I have to cancel Fenway? If it's not better after 4 weeks, will it ever get better? Am I going to be out of activity for the winter? Will I need to cut my leg off? Learn to walk on my hands? ... you know, the absolutely nonsensical worse-case scenario stuff.

Suited up in my spandex, including some hot pink calf compression sleeves to remind my shins to keep themselves in check, I headed out the door like I've done a thousand times... after stretching (did I mention I'm supposed to be doing a crazy amount of stretching 1200 times a day? Hold on. I'll tell you about that, right after I finish stretching...).

I won't bore you with a play by play of tonight's 5K, but here's the important stuff:

There was no pain. 

Granted, my ankle/leg felt a little fatigued from all the manipulation they did today, but there were absolutely no shooting/stabbing pains in the shin. YES.

I pretty much wanted to die. While I was totally psyched I was running with no pain, being completely off for 4 weeks (despite your GT giving you LOTs of other options that you could be doing and not aggravating your shin, while you just choose to wallow in your self-pity...) really takes it toll. First, I'm pretty sure I've put on a chunk of weight in the last month or month and a half. More weight does not make running any easier. Second, I was huffing and puffing like an effing asthmatic. Seriously, it was ridiculous. Third, my legs were like lead, as if we'd never run before.

Where a 5K is usually a warm up for me, this one - my "triumphant" return to training - was anything but. This was ugly, heavy, hard and not a ton of fun (thank god for running buddies!). As I pushed through the last quarter mile, I tried to reflect on all the things I'd done this year.... this was certainly not the hardest, even though it felt like it, at that moment.

Sitting home and stretching (yep. stretching.), I got a little moody. Feeling the pulling in my legs as I forced my calves to stretch, reminded me of how much make-up work has to be done. My conditioning has suffered a back slide a bit. Running was hard. My breathing was all wrong. I gained weight.

I won't tell you I have a completely sunshiny outlook on this situation, but I think that's actually a good thing. Old Me might've accepted the status quo and become complacent again, satisfied with the "good enough." Aja 2.0 is pissed that I've lost ground and is refocused, having had a hard slap in the face with reality in a sweating, huffing and puffing evening run. Aja 2.0 is NOT satisfied with the good enough, because I have big goals to meet going forward, and I won't meet them standing still, here, where it is comfortable.

Time to get down to business and get back to doing work.

So, here I am BlogLand, drinking my water and doing the alphabet with my toes (great for ankle mobility!) while I type. I've stretched some more, soaked in a hot bath, then iced the leg. Tomorrow, I'll be walking on my breaks at work, eating like I should and logging whatever goes into my mouth.

No matter how tiny the steps, remember, just keep moving.

With that, and the ever so distinctive aroma of Tiger Balm filling my nose (and tingling on my leg!), I leave you with some words of wisdom, recently passed on by my Yoda-like GT:

"You're running on guts. On fumes. Your muscles twitch. You throw up. You're delirious. But you keep running because there's no way out of this hell you're in, because there's no way you're not crossing the finish line. It's a misery that non-runners don't understand." -Martine Costello

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 446:

Another check mark in my Bucket List of new, awesome, active things to do... I finished a Half Marathon.

13.1 miles.

Yeah.

A lovely Columbus Day Long weekend brought the Leaf Peepers Half Marathon to my race schedule. It was supposed to be a great race - 70% not on pavement - and right at peak foliage. The weather was brisk and overcast, just the way I like it to run. Low 50's had me comfortable in a long sleeve running top and a fall breeze promised that I wouldn't be too hot.

I would, however, be a snotty mess.

A couple days leading up to the race, I wasn't feeling so hot. Allergies, I tried to assure myself... but then, it became inevitable: I had a cold. As the simple head cold morphed into a monster of a coughing, sneezing mess, I sat on Saturday night before the race in great conflict. I really wanted to do this race - it was a "big" race, I had a lot of people coming to spectate, a lot of support of other people I knew running, the course was good.... but I felt awful. I wanted to cry in frustration. I didn't know what to do, what the smart decision was, and on top of that I was, in no small part, worried about my ability to actually run 13.1 miles.

I've trained for this, I've done longer, more brutal Spartan Races... but that's not a 13.1 mile road race. In a road race, it's you, the road and your body... there's no obstacles to break it up, no varying challenge. The challenge stays constantly between you and your brain and your body. And I'd never tested this particular limit before. I also didn't really want to test it out the first time while sporting a doozy of a head cold. Argh. What to do.

Like many of my generation, I threw my frustration to FaceBook, where my Spartan's answered and gave me the kick in the ass that I needed; so what if I needed to walk, theoretically, I've done much harder things (I finished the grueling VT Spartan Beast, which had a finish rate of like 38%!), and so what if I'd be a snotty, spitting mess. Get it done... "With my shield, or on it." as one reminded me.

So, with a new determination, I ate some handcrafted, goodness filled chicken soup that my CG made me, drank inordinate amounts of tea and honey, continued hydrating and dosed up on some NyQuil for a solid night's sleep.

I woke up feeling... less bad. Took my DayQuil (figured I'd need all the help I could get to keep this cold at bay), ate a good breakfast, drank a small Dunkin' Donuts coffee (om nom nom!), and wriggled into my CW-X (if ever bionic legs were going to be needed...).

The crew from my work,
(l-r), Me, Kim and PJ

Registering for this race was interesting. We got our nice long-sleeve t-shirts and pasta sauce. Yep. Pasta sauce. Now, I've gotten medals from races, energy bars, t-shirts, pint glasses... but never pasta sauce (as it turns out, one of the sponsors was a local Italian restaurant that makes their own).

Then, I began the nervous process. I definitely was not feeling anywhere close to 100%. My muscles felt okay, which was the only thing keeping me at that starting line. I was just praying that my breathing would be cooperative.

In no time, the gun was going off and my race-pace buddy April and I trotted off. The plan was to start easy, as we did have 13+ miles, and then we'd separate as our abilities diverged. I was seriously not sure how this was going to go and I knew that April was strong over this distance, despite this being her first Half.

The first 3-4 miles were no problem at all. Our easy pace allowed my body to warm up, all my sinus' to open (the cold air helped too!), and after a ridiculous amount of spitting out the nastiness (I'm sorry fellow runners! I stayed to the side and spit in the grass!), I was feeling pretty good. 4-5 miles is a comfortable distance for me these days and the dirt road that we had hit was not too bad on the joints. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Leaf Peepers had great organization and wonderfully positive volunteers at each water stop, at every 2 miles. I resolved that would be the way I'd run the race - from water stop to water stop, without thinking too far ahead. April and I reached the halfway (6 mile) water stop in pretty good shape, having not walked for more than 15-20 seconds at each previous water stop just to be able to swallow our water. We allowed ourselves a 30-45 second walk to chew down some energy chews (I'm loving the Clif Blox, Margarita flavor, with extra salt!) and were right back at it. All was looking pretty promising. I was still holding a steady, even pace, despite it not being breakneck, I estimated we were holding a solid 11 min/mi. I would be happy finishing that way.

Here's where I should mention that this course was not flat. It wasn't a Spartan Race by any means and I hadn't been struggling with the frequent short rolling hills, to this point. In fact, they had been strong point for me, often passing people on hills, as I was able to keep a steady pace, while they fell back. There were a few shining moments I was proud of, in that respect. Clydesdale Legs, for the win.

However, at the quick 15-20 second walk break at mile 8, April and I both remarked that it was becoming more of an effort to start back up. I noted I was struggling more than usual and my legs weren't feeling quite as burly as I'm used to... but we were way more than half way. Finish was the option.

Mile 9ish, or 9.5 saw the first time that I really had to admit that I wasn't running at 100%. We were facing a decent hill and I didn't have the breath or oomph in my legs to run it. Telling April I needed to walk, I gave her the green light to go on with out me, as I  didn't want to slow her down. As I walked up the hill, I noticed that my breathing, where it had previously been pretty full and steady, had become more labored and I'd developed a wheeze. Either the cold meds had worn off, or the cold was catching up with me and reminding me that I was, in fact, human.

At the top of the hill, maybe 20-30 seconds later, I picked back up into a trot and pushed on until the mile 11 marker.

Then, my race got ugly. Real Ugly.

The whole time April was with me, I'd had a buddy to chatter on with, and keep my mind off my body. Also, someone to push me on and encourage in the moments when things are sucking (when you're running that distance, things sucking is inevitable). Now I was alone and very aware of my compromised state. My breathing was not doing well at all, and I was starting to feel some stiffness really set in my hips - not a problem I'd run across before. There was a dull ache in my ankles from the concussion of tired footfalls back on the pavement and I was running alone; which meant the war was just me and my brain, now.

Miles 11-13 were some of the longest of my life. I fought. I knew I was at the back of the pack of finishing, but I was determined not to be last. Around mile 12, as I pushed myself into a trot ("just until that sign"), I wanted to cry, at the discomfort that surged through my legs and the amount of argument my body threw back at me.

I trotted just past the sign. I feel back into a brisk walk, hoping to stretch out whatever the hell my hip was doing. I pushed back into a slow, labored trot for another sign, or telephone pole or two, and screamed inside with a feeling of defeat every time my body dragged me back down to a brisk walk. It was quitting on me.

That was something I'd never felt before. I've trekked 14+ miles of black diamond ski trails of over 5000 ft elevation gains and 35+ obstacles that challenged every part of my body, and I've never felt this feeling.

I wondered if my body COULD run to the finish. Apparently, sickness had taken more out of me than I'd allowed myself to feel. I wheezed. I felt my shoulders slump and my head hang a little lower, as my walk "breaks" became more like Walks, with run breaks.

I wanted to be done. I wanted it to be over. I was no longer having fun. But I had passed mile 12, which meant I was ALMOST there, and my head rallied around the fact that DAMNIT, I would earn the right to say I completed the half marathon this day, to the best of my ability.

There was a guy in a light blue shirt in front of me. Coughing and struggling, I hauled my legs into a slow, shuffling trot, that I intended to keep up - no matter how I felt - until I passed him. I got 10 feet by him, and back down to a walk. He was struggling and walking. But I was past him. I felt him creeping up on me. I closed my eyes, winced at the pain in my hip and demanded my muscles trot a little more. Just to the end of the bridge. Back to a walk.

Somewhere around this point, maybe just over a half mile from the end, my Stepmom and step sister came across me walking and wheezing. They gave me some much needed company and distraction from my body, as well as a few sips of cool water, as I power walked a bit more.

I saw the traffic lights that signaled the turn to the quarter mile-ish home stretch. With resolute determination I decided that, no matter what, I'd run from those lights across the finish line - regardless of the pain, or how slow I had to run.

I hit the corner and started trotting. It certainly wasn't pretty. My body was in full rebellion.

With not too much left to go, Light Blue Shirt Guy suddenly comes running out of nowhere, I glance to see him immediately on my left and coming in strong.

Running to the finish,
Chicking the Guy In Blue!

Oh. Hell. No.

I'd worked to beat him - if no one else - and he wasn't going to take it from me in the last 30 seconds.

My body got in gear, shoving the pain and discomfort into some deep dark well in my brain for later, and powered forward. I wouldn't say it was a sprint, but it was the fastest I'd moved for many miles, and it was at least a strong, brisk run.

My legs carried me at that pace across the finish line, allowing me to finish in 2:47.

Rear View of my finish, coming up
on my throng of amazing supporters!

I felt so many things, as I shuffled to a stop after my chip stopped the timer: Immediate relief that I was now "allowed" to just stop. Raging disappointment in my body and the time that it had forced me to settle with. Pride that I'd finished. Grateful for the mass of people that was gathering around me, after cheering me over the line, now passing me bananas and recovery shakes and congratulations.

Post-Race Banana BLISS!

2:47. 13.1 miles. The goal in my head had been under 2:30. I was nowhere NEAR that. But, I'd gotten to the start line, despite being under the weather, and I'd crossed the finish line, despite wanting to cry, rip my legs off, and just quit. Yeah, I'd pondered flagging down the bike medic and letting him take me off course.

My disappointment was pushed aside as I was brought back to reality as my legs screamed at me. I had done exactly what you should not do at the end of something like this - I'd crossed the line, and stopped moving. I'd stood still for a decent amount of time, talking to my friends, chewing down a banana and part of a bagel and generally not moving. My legs were seizing. I was coughing. Now I was getting cold.This was only getting uglier.

It was time to hobble back to the car and I refused to let the CG bring it closer to get me, as I knew - in some rational, sensible part of my brain - that I needed to walk this out a bit. I hobbled a really slow 3/4 of a mile back to the car, in the most searing pain I've ever been in, after or during a run/race. My hips were crying. Every time I tried to bend my knee or lift it over a curb, tiny invisible daggers shot into my leg. Ahh yes, my leg muscles had seized, after the exertion.

Tears welled into my eyes, but I made it back to the car and sat down for the first time in over 3 hours. I can't tell you how much I appreciated the following 20 minute car ride, just then. Just to not have to move of my own power.

Before we went out to a recovery-meal (I look forward to those. Never does food taste quite this good.), I stood in a blazing hot shower for a solid 20 minutes, coughing out all the cold air, breathing in the steam and trying to soothe and stretch my legs.

That hot shower finally allowed me to feel a little more human (and I think the Ibuprofen may have started kicking in), and let me evaluate what had happened, with a clearer thought process.

It hadn't gone well. Particularly the last two miles. However, I truly believe that was not for lack of training, or preparation, or fueling... simply that my body was already stressed fighting a sickness that was more serious than I thought.... and to run 13.1 miles, you're pushing your body to your limits (at least I am).

My time was horrid. But I did finish. I fought the urge to quit, I still ran over the finish line, and I didn't give up - even when I had every good reason to.

I need to pay more attention at the end of these hard races - don't. stop. moving. I know better than that. I was in raging pain, partially because I'd over taxed a body that was not at 100%, and partially because I'd stopped moving and dismissed warming down my muscles, in favor of what felt good at the moment: stopping.

I declared at the end of this Half Marathon that I hated it and didn't think I ever needed to do this again, now that I'd crossed it off my bucket list.

That assessment may have been a little severe and colored by the pain I was in at the time.

Granted, I am very sure, particularly after this race, that I am not in love with road races. Nor am I particularly in love with distance running. My strength is short bursts - 5-10K runs, sprints, lifting heavy weights... but not sustained endurance runs like this. That does not, however, mean I'm not going to do them. In fact, that may be why I continue to put them on my schedule - at least once a year. One must always push to improve their weaknesses.

This, too, was probably not the best way to evaluate my feeling about half marathons, because I'm thinking that being sick made this one a lot more grueling than it might have been under other circumstances. I know my body can usually handle much, much more than that.

Therefore, in about a month, I'll be keeping my registration to run the All Women and One Lucky Guy half marathon in Newburyport, MA, with two of my favorites - Peyton and Stacey. Peyton's a veteran, but it will be Stacey's first half, and I'd like to think, my first real solid effort at a half - I don't want this Leaf Peeper finish to count.

After that, I'll make a better evaluation about distance running. As of right now, I'm a firm believer that every distance over 5K should have a big mud puddle, something heavy to move and something to climb.

With that, BlogLand, I'll leave you to ponder this quote which encompasses the feelings I'm trying to solidify about my performance in this race:

"You also need to look back, not just at the people who are running behind you but especially at those who don't run and never will... those who run but don't race...those who started training for a race but didn't carry through...those who got to the starting line but didn't in the finish line...those who once raced better than you but no longer run at all. You're still here. Take pride in wherever you finish. Look at all the people you've outlasted."