Today was a Rest Day for me, BlogLand... so I would like to take this break from our regularly scheduled programming to share with you a letter that I am contemplating sending to Ms. Sherry Post, over at Simple Fuel.
Dear Ms. Post (who I shall henceforth refer to as "The Godfather of Granola"),
I hate you. Desperately. In much the same way that My Generation hates FaceBook, Vegetarians hate Bacon and Spartan Racers hate Burpees; I loathe and despise you, because I love you so very much. Allow me to explain:
I have spent much of my life crafting an identity around being a hater of "Healthy" foods that were "Organic" and crafted from "All-Natural" ingredients, as more often than not, they tasted like cardboard, were completely unsatisfying and left one searching for the nearest drive-thru to procure some sort of "real nourishment." In the past few years however, I've had a bit of a Life Epiphany and cut out the drive-thrus, while discovering the benefits of a life rich in Diet and Exercise (geesh, who knew?).
During my recent gear shift, I've been in a real tricky situation: I love food dearly, but recognized I needed to change my eating style drastically, to appropriately fuel my body for its new schedule of activities. As I'm sure you're aware, training for the Fastest TV Remote Finger requires a much different nutritional intake than setting my sights on the epic, 10+ mile, muddy, uphill, burpee laden battle of the Spartan Beast obstacle race. But I still find myself generally unimpressed with the gamut of healthy offerings in the market these days....... UNTIL NOW.
Ms. Post, you ruined my entire food-identity in two tiny plastic sample baggies.
First, I looked dubiously at your chocolate Simple Fuel powder, and thought to myself "Great, another chalky, faux-chocolatey drink mix." I had a long-run to get to that morning and had forgotten to make breakfast, so I figured then was a prime time (ie, I was hungry) to try this "SuperFood" of yours. Following your instructions to the letter, I blended my serving of Simple Fuel with 8 oz. of my favorite milk (sorry, it was straight up cow milk, there is no "hemp, soy or almond" in this house... yet.). I took a deep breath and prepared to gulp down some sort of thick, brown monstrosity I was going to call breakfast, and took a sip. And then another... and another. It was creamy, smooth and tasting like actual chocolate (and trust me, from Godiva to Lindt, I know my chocolate!)! Sherry, you piqued my previously skeptical, foodie curiosity. This was actually *tastey*. For real. I wanted to finish it.
Still turning over this brain twister (...healthy, good for you AND yummy? WHAT?), I went for my run, promising myself I would investigate tiny plastic baggie #2 upon my return. I swear, my increasing curiosity made me run faster (or was it the Simple Fuel?). Still sweaty from my exertions, I decided it must be time to "refuel" (isn't that what the athletes are calling it these days?). Out came Tiny Baggie #2 - which I later found out to be the most dangerous of all...
You see, Tiny Baggie #2 had a one-bite sample of your Simple Granola in it. I eyeballed it closely, as I held it between my fingers. It decidedly looked healthy - I could actually identify the individual components - there were a multitude of seeds in there, oats, nuts and cranberries. The colorful little ball certainly had a bit of a healthy pizzazz about it. So I chomped it. The One Bite, that ruined my life. My taste buds had a Happy Party, as they bathed in all the individual flavors - slightly sweet, but not overly so, a little bit nutty, and hey, did I detect a hit of cinnamon? It was a substantial bite - feeling satisfyingly chewy, like I was really getting my bite's worth.
And then it was gone.
Surely, that couldn't be it?
Tiny Baggie #2 was EMPTY?!
(I peered into the depths of it's tiny emptiness, with panic)
Didn't the evil sender of this Tiny Baggie of Joy know how scrumptious this was?!?!
..... and you did, Sherry, didn't you? You, the now-appointed Godfather of Granola, had just made me a (good FOR me) granola I couldn't refuse.
Oh my. I find myself left with very few options. It is clear to me now that I can't ever go back to the pressed-sawdust store-bought granola bars, under the guise of being healthy. I must have more of this Simple Food.
So, to the woman who took the "ic(k)" out of organic, please accept my plea.
I am in desperate need of an insanely large shipment of your Simple genius creations. I will be pacing the floor and looking out the window expectantly, like a 5 year old waiting for the ice cream truck. Please hurry.
Yours in Simple Satisfaction,
In all seriousness, BlogLand, you know I'm not one to promote just anything. I'm opinionated, and I tell it like it is (let's all recall that out there, honest post about getting sweaty?). And for real, I have an issue with healthy food, because I like things that taste good (like cupcakes!). That may partially explain why I am here, doing this Spartan Shape-up to begin with, but you get my point.
I did my research on Sherry's Simple Fuel, as I'd been hearing a lot of buzz about it. It has no artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners, and is so laden with amazing stuff (SuperFruits, protein, fiber, omega's...) that I can't even begin to list them.
.... just don't leave your two Tiny Mind-Blowing, Change Your View on Healthy, Baggies unattended, as I will steal them. Unapologetically.