Friday, November 4, 2011

"When the fight begins within himself, a man's worth something." - Robert Browning

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 106:

It was a tough day today, BlogLand. A real tough one.

I got up this morning, and suited up for my run. My legs were still feeling a bit stiff from the last few days, but I figured they'd loosen up as I ran.

Turned on the tunes, turned on the tracker, and off I went. First mile was alright, the usual... waiting for my muscles to warm up, trying to get in a rhythm, that sort of thing. By a mile and a half, I just felt all stupid. Like, completely uncoordinated, like my legs were heavy and stiff and uncooperative, like... I dunno, BlogLand. It was just not a good day. I tried to suck it up, and push through, and tell myself it was mind over matter.... But really, my legs were against the idea entirely. I just had no oomph today.

I was annoyed with myself, but I made the only decision I could make at that time, and cut my run short. I made the short loop home, and my usual 3.5 ish mile run, turned into like 2.25 miles. I remind myself that not every day can be a PR, and some days are just going to be stupid like this... and that it's OKAY to have an off day. But that doesn't stop me from being annoyed with my body for not keeping up with what my mind wants to be happening. Again, I remind myself that 2.25 slow, ugly miles are better than spending that time on the couch.

Today's "run" looked like this:
Time: 26:22 min
Distance: 2.25 mi
Average Pace: 11:44 min/mi

I barely want to post that, because I'm so frustrated with that. BUT, it is what it is. There are bumps in the road.

Then, we should probably touch on tonight's crazy time. Tomorrow is officially Day 1 of No Bread. It's all good, I know I can do it. I also know that I should do it, for the very reason that I'm feeling like it's going to be hard.
However, coming out of the grocery store with a strange array of items, an absence of others... I had a visceral reaction. I felt a bit overwhelmed. Like, I had no idea HOW to do this... I know it's not that complicated... but, I know HOW to make things with carbs and other tastey-but-bad-for-you stuff.... but I don't intuitively know how to work with this new ingredient set. It's going to be like learning to cook and eat all over again. And I'm a baker. It's part of my identity that I'm proud of. And now I'm going to have to figure out, all over again, how to do that in a way that's going to be healthier for me. This is a daunting task, it feels like.

HOWEVER. You know what else was a daunting task, if I look at it from that perspective...? Loosing the 65# I've already lost. Conquering my insecurities the first time, and walking into a Crossfit gym. Figuring out how to incorporate a significant work out into my life 6 days a week, without fail. Admitting I needed help, with any and all of this, at all times, was a damn daunting task.
So. Why should eating a little differently be any different?
This is probably where I need to remind myself that, hey... all those previously "daunting" tasks, are now things that are just part of life... they just took a little adjusting too, and opening myself up to learning and changes...

That's where I'm leaving you tonight, Blog... To sleep myself calm and centered again, so I can get up and go to work (It's a REST DAY! from WOD's...) with my carb-free lunch and snacks, and hold strong. One Day at a time.

Although, I'm not going to lie, I could use a hug.

No comments:

Post a Comment