It seems like every year around this time, I dedicate some time to you, in hopes of getting back in the habit of writing about my life. Why do I keep coming back to write? Because, I think, in some way, spewing out the struggles, the day to day, the wins, the questions, helps me process through it and get to some sort of mental peace about it. Working on yourself - physically or mentally - isn't easy, but for me, writing it out makes it just a little bit easier.
There's been a lot that's happened in the last year... I've bought my first house (!!!! #ADULTING!!!)
|The view of my new backyard...|
However, with the excitement of moving just before the holidays, the holidays, learning all this house stuff, and Life in General, I found that perhaps I wasn't doing a very good job taking care of me. I started having random, intermittent panic attacks (for anyone that knows me, you'll understand how incredibly out of character this was!), was having trouble focusing on various tasks, just never felt motivated, and was struggling with seasonal depression (Damn. You. Winter.) more than ever. Upon really coming to realize this... after an amazing anxiety attack that involved throwing around a lot of wrapping paper (go ahead... laugh.).... I determined it was time to really make some effort on getting things back on the right track. AND SO.... here we are.
I've been doing a lot of training over at my gym - once a week for a personal training session, a couple days a week of bootcamp (think: ALL CARDIO), and 2x a week of a squat program. I've made some pretty significant progress, even though it - frustratingly - doesn't show. I can say I've definitely improved my cardio capacity, as much as my current weight will allow, and I've made massive gains in my strength.
I'm happy to report that at last weekend's in-house comp at the gym, I pulled a 340# Deadlift and a 263# Backsquat, which I think is pretty good for a fat kid!
I'm still actively working on the nutrition piece of things, working with a stellar nutritionist, who understands the demands of my lifting and crossfitting workouts, who doesn't believe in filling me full of shakes and powders, but instead, adjusting slowly for success. I will admit (deep breath) that I'm at an all-time high for my weight. It's depressing, I'm not at peace with that and I don't "love my body" at this point. I appreciate my body's strength, and I understand the potential it has, but I can't say that I'm "okay" with my current status. My current weight is uncomfortable, in the way, and not healthy.... so, on the quest I go to get rid of it.
(Sidenote: I'm logging obsessively on MyFitnessPal to track my macros and such, so if any of you are particularly militant about it and want to help keep each other on track - friend me!)
So, I guess that's the State of the Aja for the moment. Not great, but working to get better.
Victories for today (Let's keep it positive, shall we?):
- Went to the gym and got my squat session in!
- Tracked all my food for today, and am pretty close in my macros
- Wrote this blog. :-)
With that, I'm off for today, BlogLand - I've got an amazing Roast Chicken in the oven, flavored with honey from my Dad's bees and calamondin oranges that I grew myself. NOM NOM NOM!
... But I'll be back. Stay Tuned. I have a really good feeling about this year!