"...The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. " Henry Rollins

Louis Cyr - Strongman

So this, Blogland, is my great great grandfather, Louis Cyr.
Louis Cyr was a French Canadian strongman, (still) holding the title of "The Strongest Man in Recorded History."
He did had a long and interesting career, with feats like lifting a fully grown horse off the ground, or lifting a 220# barbell with one hand, or lifting 1,075kg (that's literally like a ton) on his back. He even became a circus performer with his wife!
(Other pretty awesome notes, here...)

In my family, we've always joked that we've got some weird mutant muscle genes, as my mother's whole side of the family had some weird predispositions to being strong. My grandmother - at 94 years old - was still picking up her chair (a sturdy reclining wingback) and moving it around the room. At 93, we finally convinced her to stop trying to flip her mattress by herself... Although, who knows, maybe it's just scrappy french-canadian farm family genes. Women gotta get shit done, weight/strength be damned?

In any case, I always found this to be an amusing part of my lineage (I mean, geesh, he's got multiple statues of himself erected in Quebec!).  Yesterday, though, I finally really "connected" with my heritage a bit and competed in my FIRST Power lifting Competition.

The lead-up to it was pretty awful. I mean, obsessing about how much like a sausage you're going to look like in your singlet, plus the concept of having a ton of people stare at you (in your singlet)... plus the phobia of missing a lift or something like that.... It is all very abstract and terrifying if you've never done it before, so I was decidedly nervous. Thankfully, not only was I going to have a buddy - my stellar nutritionist and gym-buddy Charity was also competing - but it sounded like we'd have a cheering section from the gym, too! My Man was coming to spectate and support, as well, so I figured that no matter what happened, I'd be in good company to deal with it.

We arrived at Burlington CrossFit just after 11am, to a room full of people. I was shocked at how many people came out for a power lifting meeting. Not just competitors, but spectators! Apparently, watching people lift things up and put them down is interesting stuff.

As I was getting checked in, I was suddenly asked a ton of questions - what were my opening weights, in kilograms? Oh lord. Thank you for the handy conversion chart on the table. I stuck with the plan - Opening Squat Weight at 286# and Opening Deadlift Weight at 320#. Then, off to find my squat-rack height. Funny enough, the resident heavy-lifter and squat rack master was a dude that I went to school with. He'd also be the squat spotter for the day (more about that later..), but just funny to see a "familiar" face. I've been a spectator at highland games and MMA fights where he's competed, so it was interesting to run into him in yet another burly sort of sport.

Warming up - 225#

All checked in and ready to go, the day was going to start with squats, so Charity and I got around to warming up a bit. I'd been called to Boston for work for the previous two days and was a little worried my legs would be unhappy from sitting in the car so much, but the warm up went well and everything felt like it was working as planned.

When lifting began, the energy became really electric. All the women would go first, as there was only maybe 8 or 9 of us. (C'mon ladies! Where are the rest of you?!)

The squat rack was in the center front of the room, with competitors and spectators forming a ring around the edges. We were announced 3 at a time, so you'd have plenty of time to take deep breaths and get ready to go. The announcer struggled with my name ALL DAY (story of my life), but was a pretty cool guy that really made everyone feel welcome.

When there's only like 8 women ahead of you, it becomes your turn really quickly. Suddenly, it was my turn (ohshitohshitohshitohshit).

New Squat PR: 314.6 pounds! 

I got called up to the rack ("bar is loaded!") and tried to zone out and just take my time to set myself up, just like any other day in the gym.  You certainly do not feel "alone" during this process, because outside of the head judge/announcer staring at you, and the ring of spectators, you also have two burly dudes to either side of you, ready to help catch the bar if you need help, and the rear spotter, all up in your business behind you - just in case. Oddly, it does feel pretty safe, because you never have to worry about getting out of the way or anything, if you can't make it/need to dump it. With a few deep breaths and good thoughts to calm my nerves (I needed to remind myself that you can't lift heavy if your knees are shaking......), I stood it up out of the rack and got the SQUAT! command. Dowwwnnnnnnn..... and Up! No problem. Back in the rack.  Goal Achieved! My major goal coming into this was to just show up and get some numbers on the board. Even if I missed the rest of my lifts, I was going to be okay.  Another couple of rounds and I successfully hit my second lift (303 pounds) and went up to the table to declare what my last lift would be..... oh man. What to do!? I was in totally uncharted territory at this point. 305 was the heaviest I'd ever successfully managed in the gym, although I *almost* stood up 315 the other day... so, what the hell?, I thought. I put my last lift in for 314.6 (kilogram conversions are annoyingly often not round numbers, I found.).

Two lifts on the board, solid lift at just over three hundred pounds, and I was happy, no matter how this last lift went. Although.... being a hugely competitive sort, I wanted to get it. It would mean a new personal record for me, and put me at decidedly the highest women's squat of the day by solidly 40 pounds, I think. Granted, it's probably more impressive when a 125# lady squats 250#, as it's like 2x her body weight... but, still moving 315 up and down would be a pretty solid performance.
AND... awesomely, it worked. And it wasn't bad! I didn't have to fight to get it up. I was working, for sure, but I never got stuck. SUCCESSSSsssss! (Could I have done more? Ooo. Next time.)

Now, with like 2 flights of 10 men (or something like that) to go, then bench presses for men and women, there would be plenty of time for me to rest up, stretch and get ready again before dead lift time. I took the opportunity to eat a protein bar and drink a bunch of water, while watching all the other competitors (note to self: Powerlifting meets are a LONG DAY. Bring more snacks.).
I watched Charity kill her bench presses (my arms were crying, just watching that...) and sat in awe while some of these dudes benched 300 pounds. NUTS I tell you.
That said, I definitely need to get practicing my bench, so that in November I can do a full powerlift (Bench, squat and deadlift).

Finally, the day wore on, and it was dead lift time! Dead lifts may be my favorite (although they're close with squats... just depends on the day..), so I was ready to go for this one. I'd worked through the jitters that morning, and felt a lot more comfortable in the gym.

My opener was a successful and easy 320 pounds. It seems that what Charity told me is true - the dead lifts feel just a little lighter at the meet. Maybe it's the bar (it's more bendy?), maybe it's the grippiness... maybe just the adrenaline you have... but it went up pretty easily.  So, I was right on track with the plan: my second lift would be my former max lift - 340 (although in kilograms, I ended up at like 342 or something like that). That one stood up also pretty smoothly.... uh oh. NOW WHAT? Again, uncharted territory... I didn't want to pick a number I was going to fail, but legitimately had no idea what my capability might be. As I was agonizing over the conversion chart, Charity came running up to me, telling me that was way too easy and I needed to add at least 20 pounds to the bar. Uhm WHAT? my brain said.... but, again... What the hell? right?

I set my third lift to be 358.2 pounds (the closest conversion I could see to 360), and then I went back to my place in the crowd to quietly freak out and watch the other ladies lift, until it was my turn again.

"Bar is loaded!" sounded the announcer, and I stepped up to the bar. Lifting crowds become oddly similar to golf crowds, as they go -completely silent- until you start lifting. I was a little worried about this one, but was feeling strong, so I took a few deep breaths, sat back into my hamstrings and just let it rip.

358.2 pounds for a new PR Deadlift!

This one fought me a little bit - I believe the lingo is that it was a little "hitch-y" - but nonetheless, I got that bad boy stood the eff up. Knees locked, shoulders behind bar, good form. Commence a jersey fist pump celebration. WOO.
I was definitely proud of that one. That is a new PR by 18.2 pounds. YEAAHHH buddy.

I couldn't be happier on finishing that last dead lift. Seriously.

My first meet, I survived the singlet-wearing AND got two new personal records (by significant amounts - 10 pound PR on my back squat and 18. 2 on the deadlift!). You really can't ask for more than that.

I thought I was going to have pulled the heaviest squat and deadlift (for women) for the day, then this woman - Kim - walked out of the crowd. Kim hadn't squatted as heavy as I had, and her opening dead lifts were lighter than mine, so I assumed (very wrongly) that I would out dead-lift her.

Well. Kim walked up to that bar and pulled 385.6 pounds, like it was nothing.

Hot. Damn. You go, girl!

I got the chance to congratulate Kim after, to hear that her goal is to come back in November with a 400 pound dead lift. YIKES.  Looks like I've got a new goal to chase! ;-)

Dead lifts (because of the sheer amount of weight) seem to be the fan-favorite. The men's dead lifts got ridiculously heavy. I got to watch a 17 year old absolutely CRUSH at 600 pound dead lift, to set a new state or national (not sure) record for his age group. Let me tell you - the crowd gets pretty psyched up to see lifts like that happen. I know all the fellow lifters were "lifting" along with him, chanting "up up up!!!" as we watched it sloowly come to height.

As the day wrapped up, I gotta give it to the organizers. Awards were ready and lifts tallied, less than 5 minutes after the last lift of the day.

Charity grabbed a trophy for an age-group first place (Happy Birthday!), and *drumroll* I ALSO got a first-in-my-age-group trophy!
... now, I will say, I'm pretty sure there was no one else in my age group... but. Screw it. LOL.
I'm choosing to use this trophy to commemorate:
1) conquering my fear of the singlet
2) crushing all my lifts that day and
3) Putting up the biggest women's squat for the day. BOOM.

April 2, 2016: Vermont Powerlifting, Age Group Champion 30-34

So, BlogLand, what have we learned here?

Well, it was a good chance to again remind myself to keep taking risks and pushing limits. I feel like I'm doing pretty good so far this year, and it's only April! YEAH.

I have to say though, I found this to be a pretty cool experience. This was legitimately the first time in my life that I've been involved with some sort of "athletic" competition and didn't feel huge and out of place. I've competed in a lot of things - horseback riding, running, obstacle racing, crossfit, etc. - and no matter how well I may do in the scheme of things, I always feel like the biggest chick in the room, or wildly "robust" among long, lean people. I'm just not made that way. Even at my fittest a few years back, running half marathons, I'd be running along side 120 pound chicks that had legs as big around as my arm. I'm telling you BlogLand, it gives you a little bit of complex.

But yesterday, at the power lifting comp, I never felt that way, ever. There were a lot of big people - and I mean big in a variety of ways, tall, muscular, athletic, chunky, etc. - but they were all moving some big weight. If you were there, making an effort, they were right behind you and supportive. After standing up my 314.6 back squat, I got applause and a hearty round of congratulatory "nice lift!" that I never expected. This is a "skill" that comes somewhat easily to me, but it was really cool to be in a room full of people who didn't diminish that skill, or underestimate me, just because I was squishy around the middle. I like these people. :-)

After a pretty intense few months - finishing up my Hatch squat program, completing all the WODS for The Open and gearing up for this competition, it's nice to be returning to my regularly scheduled programming, so to speak.

Tomorrow, I start Week 1, Day 1 of the Couch to 5K program with Holly. This week, I'll get back into the "routine" - restarting Hatch with some bigger weights, getting back to bootcamp a couple times a week and personal training with Robyn (where I fear she's going to go on a mission to wreck my arms.). No particular "big" things on the horizon, other than long term goal of revisiting this Powerlifting comp in November.

Now, I simply wait for/enjoy the arrival of Spring (Dear VT Weather, WHY did you snow today? WTF.), get back to training, and see what happens next!
#newadventures

"The Question isn't 'can you?' It's 'will you?'"

Blogland, I admit... I (tried to) bend down to put pants on this morning, groaned like crazy and then seriously considered whether I *needed* pants today.

Since my house is a one-level ranch with a glass door that basically allows you to see the whole house if you come to the door, I did what a responsible adult would do in my situation - I quested for the Ibuprofen, then spent 30 min on the foam roller (in the privacy of my office), before revisiting the option of bending down to put on pants.

"What's the big deal about pants, today, Aja?" you say? Well... I did the CrossFit Open WOD 16.4 yesterday. Let me explain.

The prescribed (RX) WOD 16.4 was:

13-min. AMRAP:
55 deadlifts
55 wall-ball shots
55-calorie row
55 handstand push-ups

M 225 lb. / 20-lb. ball
F  155 lb. / 14-lb. ball

Scaled version was basically the same with a much lighter weight and hand-release push ups instead of HSPUs. 

So, when I read the workout for this week, I did a little happy dance. Last week's WOD was... less than fun for me, so I was REALLY really really (Really!) hoping for something I could do a little better at. Boom! This was it! Deadlifts are my jam, yo.
I watched the Elite athletes do the demo to get a sense of how long this workout was "supposed" to take. In the demo I watched, neither athlete finished the 55 HSPUs. So, I figured, it was unlikely I'd GET to the HSPUs in 13 min.... in which case.... I might be able to do it prescribed!! 

I took a moment to ponder that, realistically. I admit, that was a bit of a scary thought. When you're the fat kid in class, you sort of get used to the fact that you're always going to need to take the "regular" workout down a notch, or there's going to be something you couldn't do, etc. In this case, the deadlifts would be like 45% of my 1 rep max (which is relatively light), wall balls were at the weight I typically use in workouts and rowing is rowing, and something I'm not bad at. So... dare I do it? DARE I GO RX?!?!! EEEEEE!!! The HSPU's never really factored in to my decision making, because I was relatively sure I'd never even get to that point. Even if I did, there would be plenty of people that would get there, throw themselves at the wall for a while, and never get one anyway - I'd be in good company. Let's. Do. This.

With a renewed positive attitude, a little bit of nerves (RX, really?!), and a whole lot of excitement (who doesn't like picking things up and putting them down again!?), I hit the gym. I was feeling ready to rumble. Granted... 55 reps did seem like an awful lot of everything, but if I just kept moving, I should be good..... (famous last words?). 

(This is my pre-WOD, "I like Deadlifts!" face)

I made sure to stretch and do a decent warm up, as it was going to be a long fight of a workout. Certainly not one I wanted to go into "cold", as cold muscles and that many deadlifts would not be a great plan. In my "old age" I have finally learned that I am, in fact, not invincible, that injuries suck and that preventative measures are always the right answer. In retrospect, I wish I would've taken it one step further and worn my supportive knee sleeves for this many reps (deadlifts, plus wall balls, plus rowing.. that's a lot of knee action!), as they're feeling a bit tired today. 

So, bar loaded up to the RX weight of 155#, I chalked up my hands a bit, shook out my nerves and went to my happy place in my head. I could do this, I knew that, just had to keep my head in the game. About 30 seconds before I was about to start, one of my fellow CFW athletes came over to me and told me that he "love watching me deadlift" just because it always seemed featherweight to me. What a compliment! From there, my brain had funny images of Ronnie Coleman stepping up to his weights with his iconic "Yeahhhh buddy! LIGHTWEIGHT!" (If you're not familiar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esLWUbe2Lig). Nothing like a good laugh to get you into the right frame of mind for some lifting!

3...2....1.... GO!

I pick things Up..... 

And so the grind began. Pick things up, put them down. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

...and I put them down...

I opened with a set of 10, as the deadlift was a comfortable weight for me, but decided to be smart (for the sake of my grip) and do sets of 5 after that. 5 reps, drop. 3 breaths. 5 reps, drop. 3 breaths. I got into a pretty good rhythm and was able to sustain it relatively easily for the whole 55 lifts.  I say "relatively" as 55 deadlifts just isn't "easy" for anyone - it's absolutely a mental game. Somewhere around 30, your brain is like... uhmmmm.... done now. But you have to override that and just keep moving. 

55 deadlifts down, and I was one of the first of my heat over to the wall balls - that means I'd made good time on the lifts, despite doing the heavier RX weight. Yes! I was off to a good start. 

My first 5-10 wall balls were REAL rough. You know what your legs do not want to do after doing a shit ton of deadlifts? They definitely do not want to squat down with any sort of precision. They also do not want to stand up "explosively" to launch a ball to a 9ft target. Nonetheless, after 10 or so really ugly, wobbly ones, my legs seem have recovered a bit and were ready to get in the game. 

However, my lungs decided that they were then on protest. Cardio is always a weakness for me, but god damn those wall balls really jack up your heart rate fast. Although, like with the deadlifts, I decided that a consistent rep scheme would help keep me on track. 5 was the plan. Throw 5, take a breather, throw 5, and just keep going until I was done. 

Wall Balls on Wobbly Legs...

25-30 wall balls in, I felt my self start to sink a bit. My "couple of breaths" between sets was starting to get a little too long. Thankfully, not only did I have Awesome Jane as my judge, I had Coach Robyn cheering me on as well - and doling out some tough love along the way. She apparently noticed the "Wall balls Suck and I can't breathe" face happening, and me slowing down, so she started counting down my "breathers".... 5 reps, then she would count down my 5 seconds of breath, then PICK UP THE BALL.  This helped, big time. I don't know about you, BlogLand, but I go near braindead during hard workouts, so if someone is yelling basic instructions to me, it's a lot easier to follow them than to think of anything else. So, down and up and pick up the ball and throw it, and repeat. 

Clawed my way to 40 lung-busting wall balls and was REALLY wanting to be done. Judge Jane announces I've got 10 left. In my WOD-haze, I think to myself, I really want to be done, and 10 wall balls is not going to kill me, or explode my lungs. Let's be done with this. 

Just like that, I finished out my wall balls in one solid set of 10, digging deep into my legs and lungs for the energy to push through them. 

There was no more satisfying moment than when that 14# ball hit the ground that last time. Ahh... DONE.

Well... done-ish. Now - still doing pretty good on time, despite being a little slower on WB's - onto the rower. 

It almost felt good to sit on the rower after all that, right up until I had to start working. I got a few good pulls in, and my body was like fuuuuuuckkkkk this (pardon my language). I was trying to keep it at a solid 900-1000 cal/hour pace, but there was a moment (I believe many would call this, Hitting the Wall..), where I had like nothing... dropped to like an 750-800cal/hour pace and wondered how I was going to finish this. 

Then, something kind of awesome happened. Judge Jane yelled at me that it was "just a MENTAL GAME". I'm not sure why, but that kind of clicked for me. I'd never died in a workout yet, even though I've felt like it. I've also gotten through a lot of crappier, longer things (Vermont Spartan Beast, I'm looking at you...). I just had to keep moving. 

Digging some energy out of my pinky toes, or wherever that last thread of it was stored, I got back into the rhythm of the row. I needed big powerful leg strokes to get the most calories out of it, but my legs felt particularly done. Thankfully, fellow awesome-CFW'er, Celia appeared over my shoulder and reminded me - LEGS!!! LEGSS!!! PUSH THROUGH YOUR HEELS!!!  Again, waaaay easier to follow directions than think for yourself at a time like this. 

Just something like 90 seconds to go, and I was back in a steady rhythm. Celia kept setting goals for me - Now let's get to 30 calories, GREAT! Let's get to 38!  - and kept pushing me further. I was soooooo close to finishing that 55 calories. 

The 30 second mark was called and I wasn't there yet. I didn't want to finish, thinking I could've done more, so I rallied with everything, and rowed as hard as I could for 20 more seconds. 

"The Starfish"

Time was called, and I'd officially clocked 39 calories... and then watched that damn rower flip over to 40, immediately after. D'oh!

After my little sprint to finish, I was allll done after this wod. I sort of stood-tumbled off the rower and into a great star-fish position, as I was 100% sure my legs were no good for standing up at that moment. 

But - I'm happy. There's always those moments you think of that, "If I'd just..." or "If I had not breathed so long there..." where you think you might've gone a little farther, but I'm totally happy with how this went. 

Proof, I did it RX!!

Not only did I go RX - which was an important milestone for me - it looks like I've ended up in the bottom of the Middle of the pack (45th-ish percentile) - of other people that went RX. That is a really great accomplishment for me. People that do RX are fit! and can do things like HSPU!... so, being the bottom of the middle of that pack is a great achievement. 

Also, I know I could not have done this workout a year ago. I am 100% certain of that. The deadlifts would've gotten done, but painfully slow, the wall balls would've killed me, and I may not have even made it to the rower. So, despite the fact I'm no where near where I want and need to be, I'm making some progress forward. 

It's a good day, BlogLand. 

... despite the fact that I can't bend over, squat down or really move in any way, today. :-)

“Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen.” - Michael Jordan

As I rolled out of bed this morning, I had this odd sense of satisfaction, dread and progress, all at the same time. Upon thinking about rolling over, a bunch of my core muscles screamed and reminded me they existed... no big deal, I thought... until I put my feet on the floor and went to stand up. THAT is the point at which my entire posterior chain (hamstrings, glutes, lower back) alerted me - loudly - to the fact that we had done some things yesterday that we haven't done a lot of. As such, my hamstrings have decided they will make EVERY movement today difficult, while working with my abs and some back muscles I apparently slighted a bit yesterday, to really make sure I'm aware of what I did to them.  As a result, I had a serious debate with myself on whether I *really* needed to put socks on this morning so my feet didn't freeze, or if I could just deal with it...

But let's rewind. Yesterday was my once a week personal training session with Robyn! Yay! We've been at this like 10 months now (!?!) so have fallen into a pretty good groove. She's well aware of my capabilities and makes sure that she's always pushing me to take another step forward. She also knows when to yell at me to keep moving - something I find incredibly helpful in a trainer!

Since I sucked up my fear and signed up to do this year's CrossFit Open, I guess today was going to be a little bit of prep and a little bit of a trial run to show me how this will work. We did some warm up time - rowing, some sit ups, etc. - to get my body moving, and then on to the real work. Today's skill work was working on my power clean, as later in the workout, we'd be looking for a 6 min, one rep max on the clean and jerk.

Blogland, let me tell you, my brain has not entirely gotten on board with complex lifts like this yet. I 100% get all the individual parts. I know how to generate the power to move the bar. But, maybe it's the speed part (dropping under the bar), maybe it's linking it all together, maybe it's just a lot of muscle memory I don't have yet, but I have to think harder about accomplishing these things than I do about balancing my checkbook! Nonetheless, I do enjoy lifting and gave it a full effort to get to a practice weight of around 123# for a solid clean and jerk. I was sweating like I'd just been chased by rabid lions, but felt okay, heading into the main portion of our WOD for today.

To prep a bit for trying The Open this year, Robyn had me do the scaled version of 15.1 (the first workout from last year). It looks like this:
9 min AMRAP
15 knees to elbows
10 deadlifts (55#)
5 snatches (55#)
THEN, right into 15.1a:
6 min limit to find
1 RM Clean & Jerk

Before we started, I looked at this and thought, "This won't be so bad...", thinking I'd hit maybe 6-7 rounds in 9 min.
.... and then it began.
Since the dawn of time, my weakest area has always been my upper body - particularly my grip strength. There was a while where I was rock climbing a lot that dramatically improved my grip strength, but as it stands today, it's not so great. I remembered that fact immediately upon jumping up to grab the bar to begin my first set of knees to elbows. It was not the core that struggled, it was keeping my hands on that damn bar! Ultimately, I had to do this in sets of 5, because my hands just fatigued too quickly (to be fair, I guess they're trying to hold up a significant amount of body weight at the moment).
After slogging through that first set, it was on to the deadlifts - YAY! This is definitely my wheelhouse, particularly with such a light weight like 55#. Busted through 10 like a boss. That first set of 55# snatches went up pretty easily, so back to the bar it was, for more knees to elbows.
I snuck a glance at the clock and that's where the evilness of this WOD hit me... it'd only been like a minute or so. I had a lot of grueling minutes left to go, and it looked like several rounds, and my hands were already ALL DONE with this idea.
Ohhhhhh boy.
That's where it becomes a mind of matter workout. Did I want to do sets of 5 knees to elbows, no. I really only wanted to do 1 or 2 at a time.... but, I just told my brain, "we're doing sets of five."
Plus, this is where it helps to have a coach motivating you. Somewhere, about halfway through, I was seriously sucking wind. My lungs were imploding, I'm sure of it. I finished another round of K2E and Robyn was telling me to "get right back on the (lifting) bar". She apparently was confident that I was not going to die from lung-splosion. :-)

I finished that 9 minutes with 5 rounds, 4 reps and was on to the 6 minute to build up to a 1RM clean and jerk.  Turns out, 133# was what I had in me, after the previous wod. I'm pretty happy with that, as C&J still feels like an awkward movement to me. The jerk is not the problem (oddly?), just getting under that rising bar to clean some bigger weight! It is a work in progress.

After all that, I definitely earned a couple of minutes starfishing on the gym floor, remembering how to breathe.

When I got home, I couldn't resist comparing my scores to people that did the scaled division last year. Mostly, I wanted some perspective on how far towards the bottom I would be this year, and how much I had to talk myself into it being just a good activity marker for right now.

As it turns out - it was much better than I thought! Of people that did the scaled 15.1 wod last year, I was smack in the middle for rounds/reps (50th-60th percentile).  For the clean and jerk, I was (amazingly!) in the 75th percentile! So, maybe I have something to bring to this after all (at least in the scaled division!).

Honestly, I admit, that was a big confidence boost for me. I was really anticipating starting the Open (next week?) and bringing up the bottom of the pack every week. I guess it's the same fear that makes you think you're going to come in last in your race, etc. While I might be the slowest one in my gym, or the least reps, or whatever it is, Nationally - I'm not last. Contrary to the fact that my mind likes to remind me of how fat, slow and out of shape I am... I've been working hard, and I have something to show for it. It may not be a muscle up, or a clean set up pushups, or a 5K run with no walking.... but I've been working, and dammit if I've not COMPETING in the Open this year.

Now, with that, I'm off to cry on my foam roller a bit, because my hamstrings are cranky bitches.

"Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the key to unlocking our potential." ~ Winston Churchill

Here I am again, Blog.

It seems like every year around this time, I dedicate some time to you, in hopes of getting back in the habit of writing about my life. Why do I keep coming back to write? Because, I think, in some way, spewing out the struggles, the day to day, the wins, the questions, helps me process through it and get to some sort of mental peace about it. Working on yourself - physically or mentally - isn't easy, but for me, writing it out makes it just a little bit easier.

There's been a lot that's happened in the last year... I've bought my first house (!!!! #ADULTING!!!)

The view of my new backyard... 

which has over 2 acres of lovely land, mountain views, a tiny pool (not kidding), and something like 60 high bush blueberry plants. Yep - I have a field of blueberries. I've been learning the "joys" of home-ownership, while also trying to enjoy home ownership. After all, I no longer have to care what the inevitable downstairs neighbor thinks of my music, or whether we're going to have a fight over parking.

However, with the excitement of moving just before the holidays, the holidays, learning all this house stuff, and Life in General, I found that perhaps I wasn't doing a very good job taking care of me. I started having random, intermittent panic attacks (for anyone that knows me, you'll understand how incredibly out of character this was!), was having trouble focusing on various tasks, just never felt motivated, and was struggling with seasonal depression (Damn. You. Winter.) more than ever. Upon really coming to realize this... after an amazing anxiety attack that involved throwing around a lot of wrapping paper (go ahead... laugh.).... I determined it was time to really make some effort on getting things back on the right track. AND SO.... here we are.

I've been doing a lot of training over at my gym - once a week for a personal training session, a couple days a week of bootcamp (think: ALL CARDIO), and 2x a week of a squat program. I've made some pretty significant progress, even though it - frustratingly - doesn't show. I can say I've definitely improved my cardio capacity, as much as my current weight will allow, and I've made massive gains in my strength.
I'm happy to report that at last weekend's in-house comp at the gym, I pulled a 340# Deadlift and a 263# Backsquat, which I think is pretty good for a fat kid!

I'm still actively working on the nutrition piece of things, working with a stellar nutritionist, who understands the demands of my lifting and crossfitting workouts, who doesn't believe in filling me full of shakes and powders, but instead, adjusting slowly for success. I will admit (deep breath) that I'm at an all-time high for my weight. It's depressing, I'm not at peace with that and I don't "love my body" at this point. I appreciate my body's strength, and I understand the potential it has, but I can't say that I'm "okay" with my current status. My current weight is uncomfortable, in the way, and not healthy.... so, on the quest I go to get rid of it.
(Sidenote: I'm logging obsessively on MyFitnessPal to track my macros and such, so if any of you are particularly militant about it and want to help keep each other on track - friend me!)

So, I guess that's the State of the Aja for the moment. Not great, but working to get better.

Victories for today (Let's keep it positive, shall we?):
- Went to the gym and got my squat session in!
- Tracked all my food for today, and am pretty close in my macros
- Wrote this blog. :-)

With that, I'm off for today, BlogLand - I've got an amazing Roast Chicken in the oven, flavored with honey from my Dad's bees and calamondin oranges that I grew myself. NOM NOM NOM!

... But I'll be back. Stay Tuned. I have a really good feeling about this year!