Wednesday, January 4, 2012

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." ~Frank Herbert

Spartan Shape-Up, Day 167:

Oh, BlogLand. So, I didn't think I'd have a whole lot to say today, as today was a (much needed!) rest day. Ahhh. What did I do today?
Well, I did (see my yearly goals) do my 10-15 pull up-ish things. LOL. It's so sad. I'm getting there, I know I am... but OH my, I must be awkward to watch. Me, My Pull Up Bar (it may need a name...), and a Chair. I didn't do a lot, as I'm still sort of stiff/sore from previous days stuff... but, I did do them. Points for me! Win!

Having said that, I do have a confession to make, outloud, to you, my dear readers.

Forgive me. I will never do it again. EVER.

.... I looked ahead at what the CrossFit workout is for tomorrow.

Worst. Plan. Ever.

Let me start by saying how much I love my CF gym. They have always made me feel welcome, capable, and strong - even when I can't do something. They've showed me how to scale things so I COULD do them. Although, I am very aware of the things I can't do (it's just part of trying to beat lingering "Fat Chick Syndrome". I deal with it.).

I read the workout for tomorrow, and was going along fine... Warm-up, okay, no problem.... Oo... a strength piece, Front Squats, nice... (I can actually DO a solid front squat, with a respectable amount of weight, so Yay!).... But then I read the WOD.

"Fight Gone Airborne" they're calling it. Allow me to show you, so you can understand fully where I'm coming from.
It says:

3 Rounds, 1 Minute Each Of......
*Record Total Reps:

Commence mid-level anxiety. Why? It's silly. I know. I CF all the time, I know it will be okay, I know I will get through it, I know they will help me figure out a way to be successful. Although, we all know anxiety isn't rational. It just seems that this WOD puts together a lot of my really weak areas (Upper Body, say WHAT?).

But. This is a new year, with a lot of purpose. I wanted to keep the negativity out of this year, so I'm going to try and think of this as a learning experience. Sure, I may not be able to do these things NOW... but I can at least be exposed to them, so that I can learn where I need to improve, and be able to do them at a later date. And who knows, maybe I will surprise myself.

Anyway. I suppose, BlogLand, this is mostly a hold-me-accountable post. Readers, as much as many of you have told me that you find me Motivational, or Inspirational... I want you to know, I am human, and I freak out, just like everyone else (just ask the poor GT.). Just because you freak out, or think you can't do it, or anything like that, doesn't mean you can't make progress. I do it pretty frequently. I freak out, lose my mind a little bit (which usually includes running my mouth all over FB so other people know that I'm freaking out and help hold me accountable), then I get down to business. All you can do is TRY.
There is a real good chance that I'm not going to get up that rope tomorrow. However, I fully intend to DANGLE. With Purpose. At least 6 inches off the floor. haha...

So. This is me, exposing my freak out and confessing to you all that I'm scared of my WOD tomorrow. But you're supposed to do "one thing every day that scares you", right? Tomorrow, it will be walking into CrossFit....

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